


My Sweet Boy

by aftokrateira



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - High School, Bullying, F/M, Female Eren Yeager, Male Mikasa Ackerman, Multi, Multiship, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:27:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26832157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aftokrateira/pseuds/aftokrateira
Summary: Trost Academy is a prestigious male boarding school reserved only for the children of the richest and most powerful families in the country. Few can afford the luxury of studying at their facilities and an even smaller percentage can benefit from an exclusive scholarship ... What happens when Erin Jäeger wins this scholarship by mistake? Who said being a man was easy?
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager, Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 11
Kudos: 75





	1. Lemon Pie

_My name is Erin Jaeger. I am seventeen years old and I'm sure that my plan to attend a super exclusive men's academy is foolproof._

Or at least that's what I mentally repeat to myself as I commit a hate crime towards my hair using my mother's sewing scissors. At my feet are mounds of brown locks that fall like autumn leaves to the floor of my room, each accompanied with a deep sigh. The mirror in front of me reflects back a person who seems to be losing control over her own life. This whole mess was my fault.

All my life I've dreamed of achieving great things, making my own way and break the glass ceiling. All I wanted was to have a better chance at life than what I already had and without that opportunity it would've been practically impossible for me. I don't come from a rich family. My mother is a seamstress and my father works in a small pharmacy. We have what is fair and necessary, but as you will understand, "what is fair and necessary" is not enough to become the owner of the world. I'm an ambitious woman, I admit that and that is why once something gets into my head, it is practically impossible for me to change my mind. I often get into a lot of trouble because of my personality and my stubbornness, but I think this has been the worst of all.

My transvestite adventure began two months before the start of my last year of high school.

Classes were over. I was tired, frustrated. School was overwhelming for me and not because it was bad for studying, but because it simply did not provide the stimuli that I was looking for. It wasn't like sitting for six hours reading slides and trying to pass a test just knowing about my teachers' personal lives was going to get me anywhere. I mean, I'm not a nerd, but I know how to identify when a method is not being totally effective in getting what I want. And definitely the Rose High education system left me a lot, a lot to owe.

—Erin! —Oh, _nice_. The last thing I was missing. I picked up my pace as much as possible to get to my locker, but my legs weren't fast enough. I felt a tug on my backpack that almost knocked me over if it weren't for getting caught in Jean Kirschtein's arms —. Were you trying to run away from me? You know you wouldn't get very far on your short legs, right?

How can I begin to describe Jean Kirschtein?

We had known each other since kindergarten and we always had a very _specific_ dynamic. He was the kind of asshole you can't hate, even when he does all of those hateful, asshole stuff to make you look like a clown. Like that one time when he told me that he was going to take me to this amazing party and I got a complete makeover only for him to take me to one of his friend's houses to sit in a shitty couch and watch them smoke weed for like... 4 hours. And even then I couldn't be mad at him because he was just... so sympathetic. He held my hand the entire time, explained me all the dumb jokes and saved one bag of chips exclusively for me. Also, he was hot as fuck.

—Let go of me — I said, trying to free myself from his embrace —Jean, stop it!— I insisted, only causing a carefree laugh before he let me go a bit, but still putting his arm around my shoulders, perhaps leaning a little more than necessary —. I don't have time to deal with you today, horseface — I blurted out, settling my backpack on my shoulders.

—Oh please, Erin— he replied. —It's the last day of school. Don't be like that. Today I come in peace —. I turned to see him with a raised eyebrow, looking for any hint of a joke in his words—. I promise. Let me buy you something to eat, I have something to tell you.

—No thanks.

When I got to my locker, I tried to be quick to put my things away. I was too tired and needed to think about how I was going to be able to improve my grades for the next cycle and, by some miracle, achieve a decent score to study at a good university. As I turned around, after I put my books inside my locker, he cornered me against it and I could smell the faint scent of his cologne. I felt the blood rush to my face as I looked at him.

—You never want to go out with me anymore— he said, raising an eyebrow —. Come on, if you don't want to eat with me at least let me take you home.

—Ugh— I growled under my breath—. Fine — I put both hands on his chest to push him a bit and he, with a triumphant smile, gestured for us to start walking.

—Well, what did you wanted to tell me?— I asked once I got into his car. Jean smirked and pointed to the glove compartment of the car. Intrigued, I opened it. Inside was a pack of gum, a lighter, and some folded papers. I took the papers and read them and then looked at Jean with a raised eyebrow —. A scholarship application?

—A _sports_ scholarship application—he clarified —I want to study my senior year at Trost Academy.

—Oh—. The name didn't sound like anything to me —. So you want to betray school pride, huh? You're going to hurt the hearts of many, especially the coach—I said, with a slight mocking tone —. What happened to the Titan spirit? —I shook my head and Jean laughed —. Jean Kirschtein, our valuable number one, our MVP ... is going to another school!

—It's not just "another school" — he corrected me, starting the car —. It's an academy. An expensive academy, super exclusive —he paused a little, lowered the sun visor and pulled out a crumpled brochure to show me. I took it and took a look at the illustrations —. They have everything, Erin. Classes with subject matter experts, top-notch facilities. It's basically a direct ticket to the best universities.

As soon as he said that, I stopped listening to the rest of his chatter. But of course. It hadn't occurred to me to look for any other way than Rose High. I could find another school where they could give me the necessary preparation for my plans. And what better than a prestigious school! Involuntarily I smiled. If Jean could apply for an athletic scholarship, I could easily apply for an academic one.

—And is it a full scholarship?— I asked, interrupting him. He nodded.

—Many apply but, to be honest, they only accept the best. I've had to do a million physical tests and there is still the online exam to enter ... But I think it is worth the effort.

My head was already making machinations. I could easily pass a dumb entrance exam. If I really insisted on studying hard and just focused on it, I could. I was neither a prodigy nor a genius, but what I did have was determination. At last I saw a direct pass to fulfill my dreams ... And in no less than a luxury school! And without paying a penny!

When Jean stopped in front of my house, I said goodbye to him by giving him a kiss on the cheek, as a thank you for giving me a good idea. He mumbled something about calling me later to go out but I didn't give him time to finish because I almost ran into my home.

I quickly searched the internet for the Trost Academy website and skipped all the text to go straight to the application forms. That was the first mistake of many to come after. I might be very clever for some stuff, but, in general I'm quite stupid and you'll see why I say this in a non-ironical way of speaking. From that moment exactly, I dedicated my entire time and life to getting into that school. I sacrificed a considerable number of outings with my friends and Jean to spend my afternoons studying for that exam. I felt lucky that my application passed the first filter. Yes, maybe I had lied a little bit about the conditions in which I lived, but who would not say that they lived in a cardboard box in exchange for such an impressive scholarship?

Then the day came. Sweat practically poured from every pore in my skin, but I didn't let my nerves get the better of me. All those days of relentless study would pay off, no doubt. Some questions were simple but others made me question even my very existence and the test timer did nothing but cause me anxiety. With just 37 seconds to spare, I sent in my responses and sat in front of my laptop screen, motionless as if I had just lost my soul.

A few days later, I received the scary email. I was afraid to open it up and find a disappointing rejection, so I left it in my inbox intact, but I kept thinking about it all day. I was staring at my phone screen relentlessly until a call came in from Jean.

—Hello?

—I GOT IN! —I had to separate the phone a little from my ear because of the scream that almost burst my eardrum —. I can hardly believe it, shit!—he continued. He sounded excited and, more importantly, relieved. I was a little envious, but I was also happy for him. I'd never really doubted his ability to pass those tests —. I'm going to have a party to celebrate. I'll pick you up at eight.

-What? —I laughed, flopping onto my bed —. And why would I want to go to a party of yours?

—I want to enjoy female company as much as I can, gremlin—. I rolled my eyes. Of course he wanted it to be just for that. I opened my mouth to reply but he kept talking: —If I'm going to spend a whole semester without seeing a girl, I want to spend the rest of my vacation with one. You should feel lucky that I want to spend time with you.

—What do you mean? —I asked, a little puzzled —Are you going to focus so much on your studies that you won't talk to women?—Jean laughed.

—I wish ...—he said —But no. I will be surrounded by men. A six-month sausage party! —I sat down on the mattress, even more confused. I heard him sigh —. Anyway, I want you to put on your best attitude tonight, okay? See you at eight!

When he ended the call, I stared at nothing for a long time. I got up to go to my laptop. I typed in the search engine "Trost Academy" and went to the main page of the school. For the first time, I paid real attention and read the introductory text that jumped to the beginning of it all:

"The Trost Academy is a highly regarded male boarding school where we educate and prepare the future leaders of tomorrow."

I looked at my phone and with trembling fingers opened my email notification.

_"Dear Eren J._

_We are pleased to announce that you have been selected for a 100% academic scholarship at our institution. Attached to this email you will find the requirements for your admission and registration to the institute, as well as the dates of the events to receive you in the following school year._

_We hope to have you with us soon. "_

I froze.

On the positive side, I'd been accepted, so my study afternoons had been worth it.

On the negative side ...

It was **FUCKING** male academy.


	2. Tiramisu

As you can imagine, my only solution to discovering my terrible mistake was to lock myself in the bathroom, with my inner voice running in circles and screaming inside my head. It was a completely stupid mistake and I tried to convince myself that it wasn't true. How could I've been so distracted? I'd even misspelled my name! Maybe that's why my application passed the filter in the first place ... Shit!

I hugged my legs to my chest, not knowing exactly what to do. My first idea was to simply ignore my acceptance and pretend that nothing ever happened. It was the most logical thing to do. Just pretend nothing had happened and thus, perhaps, I could forget about it ... But it had cost me so much, but so much work. Sleepless nights reading agendas, hand cramps taking notes, summarizing. Vacation afternoons that I could have used to go to the movies or shopping or partying ... And my parents! They were both so excited about the idea that I would attend a good school ...

I frowned. Why the fuck that school so exclusive? Why could only men have access to a luxury education? It wasn't like having a dick had helped me pass the stupid exam. I got up from the floor to look at myself in the mirror. I tilted my face to look at myself from different angles. I had always felt a bit self-conscious about not having such a feminine face and did everything to soften my features. Without the help of makeup, I would lose all grace and look like a skinny little boy. Perhaps the only thing that gave me away was my eyes, the same as my mother's: large, framed by long eyelashes and a beautiful green color. It was also not like I had a voluptuous complexion and Jean always teased me because she was the only one of my friends who looked like an ironing board.

I could easily pass myself off as a boy.

The idea lit up in my mind for a few seconds. It wouldn't be a big deal. I could bandage my chest, cut my hair, and fake a lower tone of voice. I'd been around Jean long enough to know how average men behaved. It was nothing out of this world. Besides, it would only be six months. With a lot of discretion, I could go unnoticed as a regular boy. I was not going to make friends, I just wanted a safe way to achieve my dreams. Overall, I hadn't fully explained to my parents about Trost Academy and they were easygoing enough not to ask unnecessary questions.

I came out of the bathroom and went to the kitchen, where my mother was cooking dinner.

—Mom? —She turned to look at me and smiled at me —. Can you lend me your scissors? I'm ... going to do an experiment —. I murmured. Her expression turned a bit strange, but she didn't ask questions. She told me to take them from her sewing drawer and put them back when I finished.

So here I am. There is a pile of hair at my feet and the murder weapon is in my right hand. I look like a piece of shit. I hear a knock on the door and my mother walks in only to let out a gasp and I only manage to smile at her, as if I hadn't made a mess of my hair with the sewing scissors.

—... I wanted a makeover —I tell her, shrugging after she snatched the scissors from me and dragged me into the bathroom. She went out for a moment and when she came back she brought a whole hairdressing kit with her, since she was the one who cut Dad's hair from time to time.

—Maybe you exaggerated a bit ...—she told me, starting to fix my uneven locks. I sigh. "If only you knew ... " —By the way, how did that test go, honey? —She asked and I stay quiet for a few seconds, to think carefully about my lie. I don't really like the idea of hiding the truth from my mother but I know I am doing it for the greater good. Besides, I don't want her to get the wrong ideas about me.

—It was fine ... In fact, today I received an answer...— I begin to say and I can see in the reflection of the mirror that her eyes light up —. They've accepted me —I say, though the feigned emotion hasn't quite worked out for me. Either way, my mom hugs me and congratulates me, telling me that she knew I was capable of that and much more. Her words serve me a little comfort. She may not exactly know the context or my ghoulish plans, but it was always comforting to feel her support.

After a good half hour, she's finished cutting my hair and there is noticeable improvement. It doesn't look like I've stuck my head in a shredder anymore and it honestly looks pretty good. Very convincing. I thank her with a hug and I promise myself that I will not disappoint her or Dad.

***

I was sitting on the sidewalk, with my small suitcase on my side. I've only packed a couple of essential things, including a few books, pajamas (one of the few I had without rainbow prints or fluffy animals), and a good pack of thick bandages to wrap my chest. When I heard the sound of the engine stopping in front of my house, I raise my head and stand up.

Yes, I did told Jean about my messy plan. At first he called me crazy and refused to help me, but nobody says no to me and I also knew that in the end he would end up agreeing. I've already said I'm stubborn, plus I used the occasional compliment and a puppy-eyed look that I knew Kirschtein couldn't refuse. I put my suitcase in the trunk of the car and climbed into the passenger seat. I felt his gaze fixed on me and I finally turned to see him.

—What?

—Nothing —he murmurs, but scans me up and down. I have put on the most "masculine" thing that I have in the closet. Some baggy jeans, sneakers, and a fairly large hoodie, in case I needed to hide my face. Jean sighed and messed my hair with one hand —. It gives me chills. You really look like a boy.

—That's the idea— I smiled, feeling triumphant. Finally he started the car and I felt the nerves of weeks build up in my stomach. There's no going back on this. At least with Jean I knew that I wouldn't be totally alone in high school and, if I had good luck, I'd be able to share classes with him. _Everything will go smoothly if I am cautious and discreet._

—Are you sure you want to do this? —he asked me —. Six months is a long time. I don't think you're skilled enough to hang out with men for so long — he looked at me and I shrugged. I'd already thought about it.

—I'm not fascinated by the idea — I said —. But I think if I can bear you, no one will be able to drive me out of my mind—. I nudged him very gently and he laughed a little —. Besides, I think I can count on you? —Jean shrugged but then smiled as convencible as he could. I knew that he wasn't happy about this but it wasn't like his worries were going to bring down my already questionable plans. I just needed some reassurance and he was the only light in the middle of the darkness for me.

Finally, he parked and I noticed way more cars than I imagined. Apparently there were not many commoners who used the bus. Jean handed me my suitcase and we walked together towards the main building along with the rest of the new students. I felt like everyone was staring at me for some reason and paranoia was building at the base of my stomach. Jean put his hand on my back, like a reassuring gesture that interrupted my little panic attack.

_"Everything will be fine"._

  
We were assigned to a small group where the other scholarship students were and I didn't detach myself from Jean at any time. They gave us a little tour of the school and its facilities. I'd never seen such clean classrooms or bathrooms that had toilet paper ... and soap! If I were in any other position I would be very excited and happy... but alas, I was surrounded by hordes of men who were pacing in groups and roaring with laughter with their changing adolescent voices. Trying to act as relaxed as I could, I dared to take off my hoodie but I doubted if I should tie it around my waist or my shoulders. Why was I more self conscious about myself now?!

—You can check this list where you'll find your assigned rooms and buildings — our guide told us, pointing to a sheet of paper pinned to a cork board in the main hall. —Remember that in the brochures I gave you at the beginning there's a map where you can find your rooms and classes —he continued, stepping aside to let us take a closer look —We'll give you your schedules tomorrow. Classes start on Monday. Good luck!

When Jean and I got closer to the list, I looked for my name in hopes of seeing it close to his, but his finger stopped way before mine and I was nowhere near finding myself in that list.

—Here I am —he said, pulling out his phone to take a picture of the information—. Room 102, "A" building... Yes! It's the central building — he celebrated, but I was still focused on trying to find myself. Finally, I found my name near the bottom of the list.

—Eren Jaeger. Room 265. "F" building.

—Huh— Jean leaned in closer to me to get a better look —. If I remember correctly that building is near the tennis courts.

—... It's the furthest —I said in a whisper. I felt as if a heavy burden of misery was just dropped on my shoulders. Not only had I been placed in the furthest building, but that meant I was going to share a room with a stranger. It seemed that luck was no longer smiling at me —. What I am going to do?— I sighed. He laughed and I turned to see him, feeling a mixture of annoyance and sadness Wasn't he sad that we were not going to be together? —Don't make fun of me, asshole! — he ruffled my hair.

—What happened to that determination you had a little while ago?— he asked, raising an eyebrow. I pouted —. Come on, Er ... en— he cleared his throat—. Maybe we'll coincide in class. Don't worry... Besides, you know where you can find me. And I know where you'll be.

His words helped me feel a little better. Just a little. I waved my goodbyes and head to find my room, using the map as a guide.

In my mind I repeated _"Discretion, discipline and patience"_ as a mantra so as not to panic. It couldn't be that bad. Maybe I could live ignoring my roommate. I was good at ignoring people. I wasn't that talkative, so I could easily avoid small talk. I walked down the hall and there, at the end, was the door marked with a gold plaque. "265". I inhaled deeply as I grabbed the knob.

_Everything is going to be great._

When I opened the door, the first thing my eyes saw is a naked torso. An abdomen that seemed to be carved by Michelangelo with some well defined muscles and I felt the blood rush to my face all of a sudden. Then I saw _it_. Fleetingly and before being covered by a towel, but I saw _it_. I froze in the doorway, unable to move and my eyes quickly met those of my roommate, who seemed surprised. And angry. _**Very**_ angry.

—Close the fucking door! —he shouted.

And I could only think that, in my seventeen years of life, I'd seen a penis for the first time.


	3. Chocolate Parfait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys! First of all, thank you so much for reading this work... It's been a while since I wrote something so I hope it's good. I wanted to let you know that english is not my native language, so I may have some grammar mistakes and for that I'm sorry! Also, please let me know what you think of it! (i will delete any rude messages, tho)

It was official. I was having the shittiest day ever. Was this the universe trying to call me out for wanting to Mulan my way out of life? Maybe the stars wanted me to know my place as a woman in a men's world. Don't get me wrong please, I'm no prude. I'm seventeen, I have _felt_ a dick... but I was not ready to see one in all of its... wrinkly, floppy and ugly ass glory. Fleeting teenage fantasies danced through my mind, reminding me about how I imagined how my first time would be. Candles, rose petals and a romantic dinner... all replaced by the burning image of a dick registering itself in great detail in my poor brain.

I was speechless, my only reaction was to enter and close the door behind me, trying to fix my eyes on anything else. The blue-painted walls, the carpeted floor, the window at the back of the room that separated the two beds, and the white curtains ... whatever saved me from having to see this naked man anymore.

—For the love of God, put some pants on!— I heard myself say, just like that, as if my mouth had decided that today was the perfect day to not connect with my brain. I couldn't see his face, so I didn't knew what his reaction was, he just disappeared from my field of vision and I tried to move to where my assigned bed was without lifting my eyes from the floor. I was this close to panicking and I was really trying to act natural. Should I pay him a compliment? A joke? Look at it again? Pretend nothing?

—Holy shit— his voice interrupted my rambunctious thoughts and I instinctively turned around, relieved to see that he had at least listened to me and put on a pair of gray sweatpants. —It seems like you've never seen your own dick.

—I...— _Quick! Say something!_ —I'm... not used to see many dicks...I...only have sisters! — he raised an eyebrow and looked at me from head to toe —. I mean... uh...—As I was trying to rescue what was left of my dignity, my eyes landed -once again- on his crotch. I shook my head, feeling how my face turned red and hot —. It was nothing, it's just ... You took me by surprise— I cleared my throat, trying to put a convincing smile on my face —. I'm sorry —a defeated sigh left my lips. He definitely must've thought I was stupid —. I should've knocked on the door earlier.

—You're new —he said. Taking a step closer to me, I instinctively backed off —. Well, let me explain how things will work from now on, brat —he crossed his arms on his chest —. Since we'll be sharing a room, I need you to keep it as clean as it is right now. I don't want to see any fucking piece of underwear lying on this floor, do you understand? —I nodded, incapable of saying anything. Even though I just noticed that he wasn't much taller than I was, I felt intimidated by him. His dark eyes left no room for jokes and I knew he was being serious. Why the fuck did I had to end up sharing a room with a clean freak? —Good. I have two rules for you to follow: first off, this ain't no summer camp. You're my roommate and just that. I don't want you messing with my stuff and I won't mess up with yours—. I swallowed. This definitely was a test from above. I just saw his dick, come on, cut me some slack! —. And second...—he paused. Was he going to tell me that I was his new slave? That I needed to shower three times a day? What do you want, you tiny ass tyrant? —. Keep your shit to yourself. Understood?

Once again I nodded and he seemed satisfied enough. I turned my back to him so I could start unpacking my stuff.

—What's your name, brat? —he asked after a few seconds.

—I'm... I'm Eren. —I heard him click his tongue, as if he's not convinced with my name. At that point I was afraid that he'll ask me to change it, but I saw him shrug and sit on his bed. I doubted a little but then I ask: —What's yours?

There was no answer so I turned back to fold my clothes and put them inside the drawers. I saw that a couple of new and clean uniforms were there and a small beam of emotion ran through my veins. Maybe that was just a bad first day. I couldn't let myself down just because a couple of drawbacks. I'd worked very hard to earn a spot there and no bossy midget would stop me.

—I'm Levi—his voice startled me and I turned to look at him. His black eyes were looking right at mine and an ominous shiver ran down my spine —Levi Ackerman.

***

Jean's loud laughter made me want to punch him so hard in that stupid horseface of his. I'd tried to cover my entire face with the hood of my sweatshirt because I knew my cheeks were flushed like lanterns. I slapped him on the shoulder and then dropped my head on the table along with a groan.

At lunchtime I was able to run away from my awkward situation with my roommate and thank heaven I found Jean almost immediately in the cafeteria where I told him about my little slip and this, of course, almost made him piss himself.

—Stop laughing asshole! —I grumbled, giving him a venomous look. He was trying to contain his laughter —. For fuck's sake, I've only been here _one_ day and I already want to jump off the roof... Why did he have to see him... his dick? —I put both hands to my head. Jean patted me on the head, trying to comfort me.

—There, there… It's not that bad —he gave me a mocking smile and I punched him in the arm —. It was bound to happen, you know? After all, this is a men's school — I looked at him and he was still smiling but I recognized his friendly tone **—.** If I were you, I would get used to it.

—I know —I sighed, resting my chin on my hand —...But do you guys really need to have your...dicks out all the time? That's fucking weird —. My face must've been very funny because again he let out another laugh.

—What's so funny? —asked a voice I didn't recognize and I straightened up in my place as I watched a boy with blond hair sit across from us at the table. Jean was unfazed, but when the blonde looked at me, he had a friendly smile on his face. —Hi! I'm Armin. I'm Jean's roommate. You must be...

—I'm Eren —I say, with a half smile and then look at Jean again.

—We were just talking about Eren's roommate — Jean says and I frowned a little. He placed his arm around my shoulders, giving me a light squeeze —. He was saying how well they get along, right? Ah, the power of friendship... It's truly marvelous!

I wanted to punch him. I _was_ going to punch him. Armin laughed a bit and then I saw him signal someone behind me —. Who's your roommate, Eren?

I sighed a little, freeing myself from Jean's side hug and also elbowing him in the ribs —Levi Ackerman —. Armin's look turned a little bit surprised and he raised his eyebrows. Another person sat next to him and his face reminded me of someone. Black hair, dark eyes, good-looking ...

—This is Mika Ackerman—Armin said, as the dark haired boy looked at me the exact same way Levi did before. I felt like he was analyzing me and I felt the urge to cover myself. What was the deal with these Ackerman dudes? —Mika, this is Jean, my roommate and this is Eren. He's sharing room with Levi — I tried to give Mika a friendly smile, hoping that he didn't had a stick up his butt. He just nodded in silence and then looked at Jean —. Mika is Levi's cousin—Armin looked back at me, as if I were something new and shiny —. It really amazes me to hear that he has a roommate ... In all the years we've been here, he had a room for himself only.

I raised an eyebrow. That was unexpected. Not surprising, but... Yeah, he seemed a little off and I dare to say that he was surprised to see me there. Maybe the administration was punishing him by taking away his privilege and making him share his room with a commoner. If that was the case...well, ouch. Maybe he was really a bad boy, and the reason why he was alone was because he was dangerous... Oh, shit, Should I sleep with one eye open? Was he going to murder me in my sleep? He would know how to clean the blood off the sheets...

—...Don't you think? —Armin asked me and I blinked. His voice got me out of my rambling.

—What?

—Aw, Eren, you're already fantasizing about your amazing friendship with Levi! —Jean said, trapping me again in a side hug.

The chat at the table became a little more enjoyable and I was able to relax as I got to know a little more about Armin and Mika. I guess having two more people was not a bad thing in such a large institute and it was very nice to know that I wouldn't be so alone. Yes, they didn't know my little secret as much as Jean, but I think I could somehow trust them. Besides, they had both been in this school basically since first grade, so I would've someone to turn to if I had problems in class. It was better that way.

***

When I got back to my room, I didn't find Levi in it, so I was very relieved. I take advantage of his absence to lock myself in the bathroom and take a long, relaxing bath. I'm still a bit nervous, I won't lie, but at least I feel a little more accompanied on my journey. Of course I feel a little bad lying to my new friends, but I don't want to spoil my plans and why I'm taking so many risks.

With my pajamas on, I leave the bathroom. Still no sign of Ackerman. I settled into bed and texted Jean to wish him good night ... as friends, of course. After such a hectic day, I'm sure I will sleep like a dead man, so I snuggle under the covers and close my eyes ...

... Until I wake up suddenly when I feel someone cover my mouth and yank me out of bed. Scared, I want to scream, but it's impossible because my attacker's hand covers almost my entire face. Then they put a kind of cloth bag on my head and panic takes over.

What the **hell** is going on?!


	4. Licorice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Erin faces Reiner Braun and his teammates. He's the president of the student council and also a bully. He tries to make Erin and other new students jump off the diving platform naked but, obviously, she refuses and ends up slapping him trying to defend herself. He and his friends beat her up but before it gets worse, Levi appears to stop them and helps Erin to go back to their room and gives her some advice about keeping a low profile and try to stay out of Reiner's way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: In this chapter there's offensive slur used against the protagonist, graphic violence and blood. Please be careful while reading.  
> I do not support the usage of any offensive slurs nor violence, just because I write it doesn't mean I'm okay with it or romanticizing it. You can read the chapter summary to avoid any of the TW I mentioned and then skip to the next chapter.

My heart was pounding on my chest so hard that I felt like it was about to jump off of my mouth. Oh, fuck, was I being kidnapped? All I could hear were some muffled masculine laughs as I was being pushed down the hall. I could barely see anything through the cloth bag on my head. Panic was building up but the guy who was pushing me held my arms to my back as he walked behind me.

I heard a door opening and the same hand that was holding me back, pushed me forward so hard that I almost fell on my face. Suddenly, the smell of chlorine fills my nose and another alarm light up on my head. Were we on the school pool? Why were we here? My bare feet felt the cold and slippery tiles and I knew that couldn't mean anything good. With a sharp jerk the cloth bag was removed from my head and the light blinded me for a few seconds. I looked around, disoriented. I wasn't the only one confused, as there were ten other guys who, just like me, were trying to figure out what was going on.

—Welcome, ladies! —The voice was loud, clear and fucking disturbing. It was the kind of voice you can hear when something shitty is about to happen to you. For some reason, it made me think of a kid I met once in summer camp. He was a little shit, bullying everyone around just because he was taller than most of us. I identified the owner of the voice, standing right in front of us. He was wearing the sports uniform and behind him there was a few more guys with a smile that's everything but friendly. The leader was blond, tall, and quite muscular. I didn't recognized him at all —. I'm honored to be the one welcoming you to this Academy —he said, scanning the small group of frightened boys in front of him. His smile turned wider —. I understand that you're the few lucky ones who got the academic scholarship... That's something worthy of appreciation, don't you think, guys? —the men behind him agreed with some muffled laughter. He took a step closer to us —. As president of the student council it is my duty to welcome you properly and receive you as you deserve.

One of his friends takes the floor: —Now listen up, assholes! —he yelled — This will be as easy as you want it to be! —he smiled and gestured towards the diving platform. It had three levels. Five meters, ten meters and fifteen meters. I didn't liked where that was going —. All you have to do is climb to the top and jump in for a nice night dip — this provoked murmurs of surprise and denial among those of us who were going to be his victims. I didn't liked the idea either... Although... well, I _could_ do it quickly. Climb, jump and run away, so at least no one would have a chance to-

—Oh, yeah, one more thing! —the blonde one talked again —. What kind of hosts would we be if we let you soak your clothes? No, that would be rude... —he walked up to the boy he had closest to him — _You'll have to do it naked_.

**_You've got to be fucking kidding me._ **

I started looking for a way out. The closest one was to my right. One of the guys was standing right off to the side of the door, so it wouldn't be easy to avoid him. My hands were sweaty and my legs were shaking. _What the hell was wrong with this institute?_ _Why couldn't they do a normal hazing? We throw a cake in your face! Ha ha, welcome!._ I saw a boy being pulled out of line. They started to force him to take off his clothes and I stared at the ground with my heart racing and breathing sharply. Destiny was definitely against me. I heard cheers encouraging the poor boy to climb the stairs and then jump off of it. A series of applauses and cheers when he did it and quite a few idiotic laughs. They repeated this about three more times. I couldn't let these assholes get me.

—Your turn! —they pushed me forward and my blood ran down to my feet. All I could do was look at them like a deer in the middle of the road as they approached me. I felt a hand tugging on my shirt and out of sheer instinct I slap it away.

—No!— I screamed and there was a sepulcral silence that lasted only a few seconds. Just enough to make everyone look at me, including the leader of the cult. They kept on struggling with me, forcing me to remove my clothes and I began to feel the anger growing slowly inside of me. I'd been humiliated enough —Stop it! —I yelled again, hitting and scratching, trying to defend myself until, in a sudden movement, I hit the president himself on the face. The snap of the slap echoed around the place and I froze in place, knowing that I just fucked up. They let go of me and he looked at me with rage and hatred sparkling in his eyes. There was a red mark on his cheek. The other boys were dead silent.

—Well, well, well... It looks like we have a tough one —he said, staring at me. He signaled to his friends and before I knew it, they'd already taken me by the arms. —What is it? You don't want to be a part of this school's spirit? —he came closer to my face —. Do you know what happens to little bitches like you? —he murmured. His moist breath filled my nose —. Take him to the locker room. Let's teach him a lesson.

As much as I resisted, it was useless. I was practically dragged to where the showers and stalls were. A thousand ideas crossed my head. If jumping off the platform was horrible, whatever they were going to do to me would be a thousand times worse. A couple of minutes passed by before he showed up.

—What's your name, faggot? —he asked. Scared, I couldn't answer right away, which visibly infuriated him —. What? Besides being a fag, you're also retarded? What's your name?!

—E… Eren —I mumbled. He raised an eyebrow —. I'm... sorry, I didn't mean to hit you. I just... —before I can say more he pushed me, knocking me off balance. My back bumped against the lockers and I winced.

—Listen here, fucker. —he said, looking at me from above —. You're nothing, nothing but a pathetic commoner. You're less than the shit I step on —he continued, and from the ground, he looked so much scarier, imposing —. Don't think you're special because you're not. Your being in this institute does not make you, not for a second, the same as us —he paused, then smiled —. I'll give you a reminder, so that you understand your position.

He gestured and his friends picked me up off the ground. They took me to one of the shower stalls. Again I tried to struggle, but it was impossible to free myself from their grip. They turned on the shower and the water falls on my head. It was freezing. Before I could react, I felt his fist slamming into my face, right on my nose. Almost immediately I felt the metallic taste of blood filling my mouth and tears welling up in my eyes. The pain and the blow disoriented me. I fell to the floor and they laughed. I wanted to get up but I couldn't and they laughed even more. A hand grabbed my hair, pulling it roughly and my scalp burned. He forced me to look at him.

—I'd like you to see how pathetic you look, but I guess you already know what will happen if you don't do what is asked of you —he smiled and my blood boiled. It was the first time in my life that I felt like that. Scared, humiliated and filled with rage. It was that boiling feeling that lead me to spit the blood that I had in my mouth, directly at his face his face. As soon as I did it, I knew it was a stupid move because he lofted his fist to hit me again. I squeezed my eyes, waiting for the impact.

—What the fuck are you doing, Reiner?! —my attacker turned around, surprised. Almost as much as I was when I recognized Levi's voice. He let go of me and turned his back on me.

—Nothing, of course —. I saw him shrugging. Again I tried to get up, taking advantage of the fact that they weren't paying attention to me —. I was just giving him a hand so he could fit in better. That's it —. Dizzy, I leaned against the wall to stand up. My head was spinning and I felt a stabbing pain in the center of my face. I couldn't stop crying. Reiner turned to me again and instinctively I backed away, though he grabbed my arm anyway to pull me towards him. He puts his arm around my shoulders and squeezed me, perhaps too hard because I couldn't help but wince —. Accidents always happen at hazing, Levi. Don't tell me you already forgot your good times organizing them.

I could see Levi's expression change and his brow furrowed. So he had also gotten involved in situations like this? Levi sighed.

—I think you're starting to go overboard with accidents —he said in a low voice —. Come on, Eren —he looked at me —. I'll take you to the infirmary.

I stayed still for a few seconds. Of course I wasn't going to stay with Reiner and his gang of bullies, much less after I had spat in his face. On the other hand, Levi didn't gave me a very good feeling either, much less after knowing that he seemed to understand what Reiner's little games were about. Maybe he was even a participant the moment they dragged me out of our room. Hesitantly, I took a step towards him, but Reiner placed a hand on my shoulder.

—If you open your mouth too much, a broken nose will be the least of your problems —he said in my ear —. I'm not done with you, you piece of shit —he then pushed me back to where Levi was, smiling at me and it seemed like he was looking at an old friend. I got chills and walked out of the dressing room behind my roommate.

***

—I thought we were going to the infirmary — I said, breaking the awkward silence between us. We walked down the hallway straight to our building. I felt like the tissue Levi gave me was already too wet, but I kept pressing it against my sore nose.

—And how are you going to explain how you got your nose fucked up at this hour? — he asked, barely looking at me —. Are you gonna say that you fell in the bathroom? —I stayed silent. He was a bit right. Besides, I wouldn't want to take what Reiner said so lightly—What did you do to make him mad like that?

—He wanted me to jump off the platform naked—. I muttered. Levi stops in front of one of the vending machines in the hall. My answer doesn't surprise him —. Do they always do that? —he took a few coins out of his pocket and pressed a couple of numbers. A can fell —. The hazing. Reiner said ...

—Here — he handed me the can of soda. It was cold. —Put it on your nose so it doesn't get so swollen. I have painkillers in the room — I thought about it for a second before doing what he told me. I winced painfully at the cold against my skin, but I also felt some relief. I opened my mouth to ask again, but he turned his back on me and kept walking.

Once we got to the room, Levi lead me to the bathroom and I was finally able to see my reflection. I had dried blood on my lips and on my shirt and my nose was swollen and started to turn purple. I washed my face carefully and he checked my nose, although his gaze never met mine.

—It doesn't look like he broke your nose — he said and seems satisfied with this. I guessed those were good news. Levi gave me a couple of pills —. These will help with the pain, but it won't take it away entirely. You should come up with a coherent story to justify the bruise.

—I fell off the bed? —I sayid, though my tone made it sound like a question. He shrugged.

—How stupid do you think the ones who are going to ask you are? — Levi raised an eyebrow. He shook his head and sighed —. You really are a reckless brat. Who gets into this kind of trouble on their first day?

—I don't like being forced to do things I don't want to—. Not to mention that I wasn't planning on letting bullies ruin my plans. Levi looked at me in silence for a few seconds —. And don't call me a brat, we're the same age.

—I hope that just as you know how to look for problems, you know how to face them. You started off on the left foot and shoved it right into a pile of shit ... Brat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be nicer!


	5. Apple Struddel

Remember what I'd thought about keeping a low profile and being very discreet? Well, you can imagine that it was not an easy task when my face was decorated by a gigantic bruise that surrounded my right eye. The pain relievers Levi had given me were effective for a few hours, but when the first day of school came, I felt just as I looked: like I had been hit by a bus.

Students and teachers looked at me with curiosity and concern and one of the teachers even asked me to stay a few minutes after class to discuss what had happened to me. I tried to be as convincing as possible, saying that I just moved a lot while sleeping and that I'd had an unfortunate accident falling out of bed and hitting myself in the face with the nightstand next to it. I knew it wasn't a story that everyone would buy, but I was more concerned about the consequences of what had happened during the hazing. It was like an incessant alarm in the back of my head, one that kept me from being calm and kept my thoughts from wandering during class. Whenever I tried to relax, Reiner's enigmatic warning came to mind. How could such a guy be part of the student council? It wasn't that surprising, though. It is known that it's better to be feared than loved.

When lunchtime came, I tried to find the farthest and loneliest table possible in the cafeteria. I didn't want to have to see anyone's face, much less Jean's. I had already repeated ad nauseam my story of falling out of bed that I was sick of hearing myself explain it. I just wanted a moment of peace.

I rested both arms on the table and rested my head between them, relieved when the cold surface brushed the skin of my forehead. I wished the moment would last forever, but since it was already so clear that the universe hated me, I was interrupted by hearing someone put their tray on the table and sit right across from me. I couldn't hold back an exaggerated sigh and, without bothering to lift my head, I could only say:

—Don't you understand that when a person sits in the back of the cafeteria it is because they want to be alone, Jean?

—Is this how you plan to deal with the problem? —startled, I raised my head quickly, making me dizzy. Levi looked at me without being too surprised by my deplorable state —. By isolating, letting them know how easy it is to corner you ... I thought you'd have more guts, brat —he said, taking the lid off his coffee. There was no food, just coffee.

—I thought you didn't want anything to do with me —I replied, raising an eyebrow.

—I don't.

—And why did you come to sit with me?

—This is my table. I always have lunch here.

—I don't see your name on it —to my words, he just pointed to some marks made on the metal. "L.A." As soon as I noticed them, I could clearly see that the table was littered with them. I snorted, slightly impressed —. Okay ...—an exaggerated sigh escaped me and I ended up resting my chin on the palm of my hand, watching him. Levi had a very peculiar way of holding the cardboard cup: by the edges, as if he did not want to touch it excessively. Well, if he was half as much a cleaning freak as he had let me know before ...

—What are you looking at? —he asked, staring at me. I blinked and shook my head, but this didn't seem to satisfy him. He clicked his tongue and turned his attention back to his coffee and his phone, frowning at the screen. Despite his reaction, I couldn't help but look at him again, noticing a few things that had been overlooked in recent days. He had a fairly symmetrical face and the straightest nose that I had ever seen. Under his eyes there were dark shadows of wakefulness and his gesture was marked by a permanent annoyance of which I did not know its origin. Maybe he was just born that way, sick of being alive. The idea made me laugh a little, which was enough to get his attention back —. I'm not surprised Reiner wanted to smash your face. You're incredibly annoying.

I cleared my throat and a doubt returned to my mind that I had not fully thought about.

—You didn't answer me the other night — I murmured. He didn't seem fazed by my words —. About what Reiner said about you... Did you really participated in hazing too? — I asked him. Levi didn't even turn to look at me, completely ignoring me. I narrowed my eyes —Why did you stop? Did the suffering of others no longer satisfy you? Or did you just stopped being interested in traumatizing-?

Before I could finish the sentence, Levi had already grabbed my uniform shirt, moving so fast that I didn't even notice it until his dark eyes were locked on mine.

—Listen to me, you fucking brat — he hissed —. You and I aren't friends. I want that to be very clear to you. Don't get your head around what happened the other night —he continued, tightening the fabric of my shirt tighter. Scared, I could only limit myself to swallowing hard —. Mind your own business, did you hear me?— I held my breath and, after a few seconds, he released me. He drank what was left of his coffee and got up to leave.

I was stunned, unable to stop watching him go. I was as scared as I was intrigued. What he had just told me was not logical at all. What kind of person helps you and then threatens you like that? I began to form conspiracy theories in my mind until the sound of the bell snapped me out of my reveries.

***

I couldn't hide from Jean for long. In the end, we shared class in the last two periods and as soon as he saw me he started attacking me with a million questions. Armin also coincided with us in class and his concern was visible. I didn't feel like repeating my story of falling out of bed, especially since I knew Jean wasn't believing a word. He knew me too well to know that I was lying and he kept his eye on me during the entire class.

When class ended, he immediately accosted me, spoiling my attempts to run away from him.

—Can you stop following me? You're attracting attention! —I said in a low voice, picking up my pace towards my building —. Jean, stop it, I already told you what happened.

—Yes, but I want you to tell me the truth —he answered, catching up to me without much trouble and taking my arm to stop me. I had never seen him so concerned, much less about me —. Who did this to you? Tell me.

—It was nobody! —I exclaimed, pulling my arm out of his grip —. I fell out off bed, that's all. Leave me alone.

—It wasn't that Ackerman guy, was it? —at the mention of his name, I couldn't help being curious. Why jump to such a sudden conclusion? —. Damn, Erin, you have to tell me if the bastard did anything to you, because if so, I will...

—Why do you assume it was him? —I asked, interrupting him. Jean finally released me, leaning closer to me so he could speak quietly. Fortunately we were close to my building, so there weren't many people around.

—Haven't you heard all the rumors? —he raised an eyebrow, as if he was telling me something obvious.

—No, I'm not a gossipy old lady like you.

—The whole school knows the guy is a psycho ... I don't know how they let him study here in the first place —he muttered, frowning. I looked at him in disbelief and at this, Jean sighed —. Today during basketball practice I was talking to my teammates and I casually asked about him ... Well, it turns out that the guy caused an accident in which a student from here did not live to tell it —. I opened my eyes, surprised. I figured that was where Levi's abrupt reaction at lunch was coming from. I hadn't imagined it would have such a tragic background, but it made sense if you connected the dots.

Levi had participated in these horrible hazings, something had gone wrong and a boy had ended up dead because of him. It was pretty murky.

—As soon as I found out, I wanted to tell you, but I didn't see you at lunch —Jean said, putting his hands on my shoulders —. You have to go to the administration office to get a room change. I ... I will help you, I can change rooms with you if you want ...

—Jean ... —I looked around a bit to make sure there were no peepers nearby and gently put my hand on his cheek —. Calm down. I'm fine. Levi hasn't done anything to me. He's almost never in the room — that was true. I didn't feel very comfortable lying to Jean, especially knowing how much he cared about me. I smiled at him to reassure him, even though the gesture was a bit painful —. I can defend myself, you know. If something bad happens, you will be the first to know.

—You love living on the edge —he murmured, but I felt him relax. I pulled my hand away, but before I could, he held it against his face for a few more seconds —. Promise me you'll be careful, Erin.

I hesitated for a few seconds. I smiled at him again and removed my hand from his.

—I promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG Thank you so much for your nice comments! They really inspire me and make want to keep improving my writing and chapters! Please let me know what you think, I love to read your opinions! (also, if I have any grammar or spelling mistake, let me know, I only have two working braincells left to help me translate!) I appreciate you all very very much! Love you, guys!


	6. Banana Split

I was surprised to find Levi in the room when I returned. He was lying on his bed, reading. He seemed so engrossed in it that he didn't even look up to see me. I guess it was obvious, after all, his words had been clear to me and after listening to what Jean had told me, I preferred it that way. It was better not to get involved with a dangerous person and our roommate dynamic could remain impersonal and distant. Anyway, it wasn't like he wanted to be my friend and honestly, I didn't want anything to do with a bully.

I decided to ignore him to get on with my homework for the day, without even giving him a sideways glance. I fought my urge to fill the silence in the room because yes, I am one of those people that silence makes them uncomfortable. I could listen to music, sure, but that would also distract me from what I was doing. In the end, I sent Jean a couple of texts, just so I could talk about something with someone, but his replies took almost five minutes to arrive and I wasn't up for that kind of wait time. Finally, and to calm my anxiety, I ended up drumming my fingers on the desk while reading a text that I needed to summarize. I was nibbling on the top of my pen, reading and rereading the same paragraph, without being able to focus on it.

—Do you have to be so fucking loud? —my little symphony of sounds was interrupted by Levi's exasperated voice. I turned to see him and he gave me the impression that he had been looking at me for a long time, since the book he was reading was no longer in sight.

—Sorry —I said, pulling the plastic pen cap out of my mouth —. This is how I concentrate best — I added, as a justification for him to leave me alone. I heard him mutter something under his breath, but I didn't understand what he said.

—You look nervous — he said, in a tone I couldn't quite make out. I looked back at my book, without saying a word —. Are you getting in trouble again? —he asked. Couldn't his attitude be more confusing? What did this guy want? He didn't want to be my friend but he still wanted to make conversation. I was sure that if I answered him he was going to insult me in one way or another. I shook my head, unwilling to answer him. I was beginning to believe that Levi was really out of his mind. We were silent for a few minutes and I thought that would be our conversation for the afternoon until he opened his mouth again:

—I feel like you're hiding something.

At that moment I felt my mouth go dry and my heart had stopped beating. Trying to keep my composure, I cleared my throat a bit and started to underline the text I was reading, despite not even paying attention to it.

—I don't know what you're talking about —I said quietly. It was completely impossible that he had discovered my secret. The only time we had been close was the night of the hazing and it was too dark for me to notice anything. Besides, if he knew ... He would just say it, wouldn't he? Levi seemed like one of those who liked to get straight to the point. I heard him click his tongue, and out of the corner of my eye I saw him sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at me —. Besides, didn't you say at lunch that we're not friends? Why are you suddenly interested in my life? —he didn't answer me and I thought that with those questions he would leave the subject.

—I'm not interested — he said, breaking the silence after a few seconds —. But I don't like problems ... And you seem to attract them like a magnet —he continued —. You'll find it hard to believe, but as much as this academy promotes tolerance and acceptance , the school is full of idiots who don't think the same —that comment confused me slightly, making me turn to see him with a raised eyebrow. Levi sighed —Look, brat, I don't care if you like men or women ... But if guys like Reiner find out, you won't be the only one in trouble. You and your boyfriend are going to be treated like outcasts.

—...What the hell are you talking about?

—I saw you with your boyfriend a moment ago —he said, a little exasperated. Surprised, I couldn't say anything. I pursed my lips to keep from laughing in his face —. It's not a fucking joke, brat. This school is full of retrogrades who wouldn't hesitate for a second to ...

—Jean's not my boyfriend —I interrupted, giggling slightly. I sighed, relieved to know that my secret was safe. I had already imagined the thousand possible ways to beg him not to tell anyone that I'm a girl —. We are just ... very close. That's it —. Levi narrowed his eyes, like he was trying to find the lie in my words. I paused for a few seconds—Were you spying on us?

—You were about to kiss in the middle of the fucking schoolyard — he replied —It was hard not to see you.

Even though his expression was still just as serious, I couldn't help but laugh some more. I never imagined that he could come to that conclusion just like that. I suppose that then I would have to reduce my contact with Jean a lot if I did not want to raise that kind of suspicion about us ... Although yes, I did find Levi's contradictory attitude curious. It gave me the impression that even though he didn't want to get involved with me, he ended up doing it anyway.

—I'll keep that in mind — I said, smiling at him —. Thanks for the warning.

—Whatever —he got up to go to the bathroom. I knew that was the end of our conversation and I was able to return my attention to my homework.

***

—An extracurricular activity?— I asked, analyzing the pamphlet Armin had given me. It was lunchtime on the second day of school and I was visibly more relaxed. My face no longer looked so swollen and, although the bruise was still quite conspicuous, it no longer attracted as many stares as yesterday. That was why I had decided to sit down with Jean, Armin, and Mika and not get carried away by my worries. There were more important things to think about ... like the flashy extra credits I would get if I participated in an after-school activity.

—Yes ... It's the easiest way to maintain an attractive score and improve your record a lot —the blonde commented —. There are many options, although some are more requested than others.

—I signed up for the student council —Jean said, taking a long drink of his soda —. Actually, I was invited to participate.

—Oh, yeah? —I raised an eyebrow. I wasn't surprised. We hadn't been in school for a week, and apparently Jean had already attracted enough attention to involve him in student council activities. I thought briefly of Reiner Braun, but dismissed the thought quickly. I didn't want to cause trouble or do anything that would guarantee another beating. Besides, Jean was smart enough to stay out of it.

—It's actually nice. I won't have to put in too many hours and will be able to focus on basketball practices.

—Mika and I volunteer —Armin said, pointing out in the brochure the various charities where you could sign up to volunteer on weekends. Nursing homes, shelters, orphanages, public libraries ... It sounded like a simple job in exchange for a good reward. Also, I could get out of school on weekends, which was a good way to get some fresh air —. But you must register soon, if not, the quota for the best places will run out ... I would recommend that you sign up after lunch.

It was'nt a bad idea. I definitely wasn't planning on getting into anything to do with sports. I wasn't going to risk finding myself in a difficult situation in the locker room. Getting involved with the student council was completely out of the question. Volunteering was the best option. Also, it would make me feel better about myself to be able to help others.

On Armin's advice, as soon as the lunchtime bell rang, I headed to the school service offices to sign up for the volunteer program. To my surprise, many of the places were already full of volunteers, just as Armin had said. The only options left to me were a public library and an animal shelter. Both sounded like good options, but in the end I decided to sign up as a volunteer for the animal shelter, hoping that I could spend a weekend with the nice company of puppies and cats. I could scratch their heads and I wouldn't be judged by my choices. There was really nothing that could go wrong.

***

I can't deny the fact that I was excited for the weekend to come. I hadn't been able to think of anything else and as soon as Saturday rolled around, I didn't waste a minute getting ready to meet up with what would be my new furry friends. The shelter was not far from the school and I could easily walk there. Invaded by optimism, I walked through the doors of the place with a wide smile that immediately froze on my face.

Standing by the counter was Levi, chatting with the red-haired girl who was surely the receptionist with singular ease, one I'd never seen him have at school. The sound of the doorbell made him turn around and our eyes met for a few seconds.

—You must be Eren! —the red-haired girl exclaimed, coming out from behind the counter. There was a broad, friendly smile on her freckled face —. I'm Isabel, and I'm glad we can work together —Levi looked away and I decided to give my attention to Isabel, approaching her. It gave me the impression that they already knew each other before —. I hope we get along!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, I have this little HC in which Erin has ADHD so that's why she needs to be moving and speaking and making little noises to help her concentrate... idk, I thought to give her a little bit of myself to make her more real. Also, Levi is woke af. Also, puppies & cats. Also, Isabel.


	7. Cookie Dough

By now, I was beginning to believe that it was all a very cruel joke of fate. Couldn't I just enjoy a day to myself without having to worry about appearances?

Isabel guided us both around the place, showing us where the small office was, the dog cages and the cat cages. She explained that our job would consist of keeping the shelter paperwork in order, washing the cages, and occasionally bathing and feeding the animals. I noticed that the tour and the list of tasks were given to me exclusively, because at no time did she address Levi and he seemed to follow us like a silent shadow. I would glance at him from time to time and he seemed bored listening to the redhead, so I would catch him looking anywhere but me.

—Normally things are very calm around here —Isabel said, smiling at me. —So you can take advantage of the time and do homework or any pending stuff you have. I'll come back to the front, meanwhile, you can help me organize the adoption forms —she turned to see Levi and motioned for him to come closer —Explain him how it's done, okay? —he didn't say anything, but he walked towards the office and Isabel also turned her back on me. I hurried my step to reach him inside the office, where the space was definitely not suitable for two people.

—Isabel doesn't normally organize the forms and just stacks them all here —he murmured, pointing to a small mountain of papers scattered across the desk. They even covered the keyboard of the old computer that was there. —You have to separate them by dates and put them in the filing cabinet in the appropriate folder. Last semester I organized the folders by colors ...-

—Do you know each other?— I asked instinctively. The question had haunted my head as he spoke. Levi arched an eyebrow.

—Like I said...Last semester I also volunteered here —he replied, and his tone hinted that he didn't want to answer any more questions or even talk to me. I pouted, dissatisfied, taking the papers from the desk to start organizing them. Levi tried to open the filing cabinet, without success. —She always leaves the keys where she wants ... —I heard him mutter. —I'll be right back.

Something in his attitude made me think that he was as uncomfortable as I was with this situation. It seemed like Levi wasn't entirely expecting me to show up. I tried to remember the registration sheet, but I had been the only one who had signed up to volunteer. If he had done it afterwards, he shouldn't be so surprised, right?

I spent a good twenty minutes organizing and separating forms. There were some that had been padded with such intelligible handwriting that I had to separate them so I could ask Levi what I should do with them ... And speaking of the devil, where was he? Had he gone to make a duplicate of the damned filing cabinet key himself? I peeked through the office door a bit, but there was no sign of him. An uproarious laugh echoed from the front desk and made me curious. I took the forms written in hieroglyphics and left the office. I knocked a couple of times on the entrance door to the reception, but they did not seem to hear me, my knocks being muffled by a lively conversation and a scandalous and happy laugh that must belong to Isabel. I opened the door a little and felt like I had opened a portal to the Twilight Zone.

Isabel was hugging Levi almost to the point of crushing him, and instead of an exasperated expression, there was a smile on his face. Perhaps the first I had seen in his face all week. It was unbelievable. And don't judge me for being impressed! Until now, Levi had only shown me two faces: the "I don't care about you" and the "I hate you", so seeing a smile on his face was a real surprise. I know that we had not spent much time together (indeed, I hardly saw him), but he caused me an inexplicable intrigue, with all the confusing signals that he sent me.

The hinges creaked and they both turned to look at me. As soon as Levi's eyes met mine, the smile faded from his face, being replaced by the already usual scowl that I was used to. Isabel pulled away from Levi, a little embarrassed, or so it seemed to me. Had I interrupted them in the middle of something?

—Uh ...—I shook the forms in my hand a little. —What do I do with these? —she moved closer to examine them more closely.

—Ah! These I filled them! —she chuckled and ordered them herself. I raised my eyebrows. She didn't seem like someone who paid much attention to what she was doing and judging by her horrible handwriting and the clutter of the office, being organized was not one of her virtues. Why would a cleaning freak like Levi notice her?

***

Isabel had let us go an hour earlier because it was "the first day of work", which had left me with an extra hour available that was not in my plans. Levi and I walked toward the school in silence. A very awkward silence. I could not stop thinking about the new unknown that surrounded him. Until now I did not have very coherent information: he was a bitter and cold guy, who carried the guilt of the death of an innocent and ... was he trying to make amends in an animal shelter? With his girlfriend...? Hm. It had never crossed my mind that Levi was capable of having a girlfriend. At least not with his attitude.

—So ... —I shoved my hands into the front pocket of my sweatshirt, glancing at him. —You and Isabel are ... close.

—It's none of your business.—he replied dryly, picking up his pace slightly. Ah, so I had hit the nail on the head. It made me think then about his doubts about Jean and me and I thought it would be a good idea to do the same.

—I can imagine why you volunteer here all the time — I commented, with a slightly teasing smile. —Did I catch you in the middle of a romantic moment? Although I didn't really think she would be your type.

—What the fuck are you talking about? —he stopped suddenly, facing me —Didn't I tell you not to get into my life? How many times do I have to tell you? Are you stupid?

—No, I just ...

—Stop misreading things, brat. If I ask you about your stupid life, it's not because I care, but because I don't want to be involved in your shit —he continued.— You don't know me ... or her, so don't ever open your mouth about things you have no idea about. It bothers me enough to avoid you all week to find you here too!

_Ouch._

I'm speechless. I hadn't thought that maybe it wasn't his personality being so upset, but that it was me who was causing him that annoyance. His words had hurt, yes, but I was also upset. —If it bothers you so much, then stop acting so confusing!— I replied. —One day you help me, the next you insult me and then... You also get into my life and assume things about me!... You don't know me either! — I took a couple of steps closer to him to face him. —Why don't you follow your own advice and stop getting into my life?

Yes, I was outraged and quite upset. What kind of reaction was that? For these kinds of situations I should have stuck to my plan to be discreet! Perhaps the best thing would be to find a change of room... I started walking as fast as I could, without looking back, until I reached the academy. I thought about seeking refuge in my room, but of course Levi would arrive at one point or another and the last thing I needed was to see his sour face.

The school was somewhat empty. Armin had told me that some students went out for the weekend to go home or simply take advantage of two days of freedom before returning to the rigid school routine. He himself took the opportunity to visit his grandfather, so he could not count on him to seek refuge ... Although I assumed that Jean would be somewhere. Looking for him would clear my mind and also save me from facing my roommate.

***

In the end I ended up going straight to Building A. Jean wasn't on the fields or in the cafeteria or in the library. He didn't even reply to my texts. Most likely, he was taking a nap and I knew that when that man slept, it was like he was dead. I vaguely remembered his room number, so as soon as I was in front of the door, I knocked on the door as hard as I could to wake him up.

—Open the door, horseface!— I exclaimed, punching it, even thinking of kicking it. I was going to do it when the door opened, but it wasn't the person I wanted to see.

—Jean isn't here — Mika said calmly. —His room is that one.

—Ah!— I felt my cheeks heat up with embarrassment. —I ... I'm sorry! I just thought this was ... I didn't mean to bother you like that, I just ...

—They're not in the room anyway —he commented. —Armin went home and Jean must be at a student committee meeting. —Truth be told, Mika gave me the creeps at times. He was so quiet and seemed absorbed all the time in his own thoughts. Still, he was brilliant and I knew he was the best of his classes. Unlike Levi, Mika seemed nicer, but no less mysterious.

—Okay ...— Well, that doomed my weekend then. —...I'd better go back to my room. Thanks, Mika.

—Eren. —But before I could turn to leave, Mika spoke. —Can I ask you a question?

—Uh ... sure.

The black-haired man leaned down a bit, so he could be at my height. I hadn't noticed how tall he was until then. I gulped, taking a step back from the sudden closeness. There were a few seconds of silence and I began to doubt if he was really going to ask me something or not. I couldn't hold his gaze for long.

—Eren ... are you a girl?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I present to you the only character in this fanfic who has more than one working braincell.  
> Mika is the real OP here, tbh. Also, Jean joined a cult.  
> What do you think of it?


	8. Slurpee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for updating this late. I was having troubles to find inspiration but luckily enough, I found it and now I present to you a new chapter! You're all amazing for reading and commenting! I love to read your theories and comments!  
> I'd like to let you know that I'll post a one shot soon and also...maybe something involved with fucking people gently with a chainsaw and dead girls walking>:)  
> Enjoy!
> 
> TW: Bullyng, violence and non-con situations.
> 
> Read with caution!

**TW: This chapter contains mentions of violence, offensive slur, bullyng and a non-con situation. If you're triggered by any of these themes skip to the end notes, were I'll leave a little SFW summary. I do not condone or support these behaviors at all and they shouldn't be romanticized or accepted in real life by any means. Stay safe.**

The feeling I had at that moment reminded me of the time when I thought I'd die in a mechanical game at a local fair. In fact, the memory appeared fleetingly in my mind, associated with the terrible feeling of fear and uncertainty that Mika's sudden question produced. I froze in place, unable to process any words. Had I heard him right?

—What? —I said, noticing that my throat was dry. I swallowed and felt a cold drop of sweat running down my back. I had to find something to say to defend myself, to deny it —. What makes you think that? —I stammered, trying not to let my inner chaos reflect on my expression, although I was surely failing in the attempt —. I mean... no, of course I'm not! Why would you say something like that? —I pretended to laugh rather pathetically and I knew I was digging my own grave. Was this the end of the line for me? I hadn't even lasted a month! —. And I thought you had no sense of humor!

Mika didn't say anything and his silence made me even more nervous. My attempt at laughter faded as the seconds passed and I finally let out a heavy sigh of resignation. It was as if the guy was looking directly into my soul and the feeling, if I may say so, was not pleasant at all.

—Is it that obvious? —I asked quietly.

—No —Mika paused briefly —. But it's not difficult to deduce —he clarified. Mika opened the door to his room a little wider, indicating that I could come in. I hesitated a bit, but in the end I decided to do it. Anyway, I wanted to vent to someone and if he already knew my secret and wasn't making a fuss about it, I might as well take advantage of the situation.

—Are you alone? —I asked, looking around cautiously. Maybe someone could've been spying on us all this time without my knowing. Mika nodded.

—My roommate is studying abroad this semester.

I stood in the middle of the room not knowing exactly what to do. I'd never exchanged many words with Mika, not even in the classes we shared. He always seemed serious and absent and I was too intimidated to approach him without an excuse. It was easier to talk to Armin.

—Please don't tell anyone — I muttered, staring at the floor.

—I won't —he said calmly. I looked up and he was in front of me. Didn't he want to know more? My reasons? Didn't he want to blackmail me? My expression had to show the confusion I felt, so Mika took a few steps towards me and put his hand on my shoulder —. I think you are a good person. And we all have secrets. Friends know how to keep them —his words sounded pretty sincere, at least to me. The tension in my shoulders was gradually disappearing and on impulse I briefly but gratefully hugged Mika. As I said, we hadn't spent much time together or talked much, but I was glad to know that I had someone else to trust besides Jean. It was a relief to have another way in which I could be myself. I felt Mika patting me on the head and I let go, with a big smile on my face.

I discovered how easy it was to talk to Mika. I didn't really notice how much time had passed, as I had just started talking, letting off steam completely. Mika didn't say much, and occasionally he would ask me something, but I was the one who wouldn't stop talking. I ended up talking about what had happened in the morning.

—I don't know if I can just relax with him around —I said, sighing. I put my chin on the palms of my hands and then lay down completely on the floor. Mika was sitting in front of me —. I'm thinking I should take Jean's word for it and change rooms —I pouted and looked at Mika —. You and Levi are cousins, aren't you? Why is he like that?

—We're not very close —he answered —. We only recently discovered that we're related.

—Really? —I turned to lie down on my stomach. That was interesting information.

—My father and his mother are cousins —he explained —. But they weren' that close. I understand she died a few years ago and Levi was left in the care of an uncle. I don't know anything else —I couldn't help feeling a little sad about Levi. I couldn't imagine life without my mom and could hardly find a way to move on without her. I felt a little bad, to be honest—. Although he has changed since I met him until now. At least I've noticed that.

—Hm... I recently heard that Levi was part of the student council — I said, to see if Mika could tell me something about it. The truth was that I trusted him a little more to confirm a rumor rather than Jean's teammates. After all, he'd studied at the academy for years and was related to Levi.

—Yes, but he didn't last long there. In those years he was a little more sociable and I saw that he used to be accompanied by a guy... —he kept quiet for a few seconds, as if trying to remember his name —. Farlan, I think. They were very close, but then the hazing accident happened in freshman year and they stopped talking to each other.

_The accident._

—Jean told me about it. He told me a guy died — I whispered, and Mika's expression became confused —. Didn't he?

—Do you think this academy would still be open if someone had died in a hazing? They're pretty wild, yes, but not deadly.

_I wouldn't say the same._

—And what happened with them?

—I really don't know. All I know is that after the accident Farlan and Levi stopped talking to each other and soon after I stopped seeing Farlan around...I guess he transferred to another school.

***

I left Mika's room feeling quite intrigued. Now I knew there was another name involved with the mysterious hazing story. I thought about it for a few seconds. Where could I find information about him? If he'd attended the academy a few years ago, there must've be a yearbook where I could, at least, see his face. I must admit that I was very relieved to learn that my roommate was not a murderer, although that didn't take much of the weight off his bad reputation with me either.

I walked to the library and luckily it was empty. It wasn't difficult to find the old yearbooks of the academy, what I didn't know was where to start looking. Doing math and flipping through pages, I finally found the photo I was looking for in a yearbook dated three years ago: the mysterious Farlan Church. He didn't seem like anyone extraordinary and judging from his bored expression, you could tell he was an ordinary boy. Blond hair, honey eyes. An average white man. As I turned the pages, I also recognized a couple of faces. Armin, Mika ... Levi.  
I felt chills when I found the pages dedicated to the photos of the student council of that time. I didn't know many faces, but there were a few that I did, and they didn't bring back fond memories at all. I saw Reiner and his idiotic friends grinning as if they weren't potential sociopaths, hugging each other sideways. Very close I also saw Farlan and Levi. They were both smiling and between them was a face that seemed quite familiar to me. The boy in question raised a pair of fingers shyly at the camera, as if he feared that the flash was going to hurt him. His freckled face gave me the feeling that he looked uncomfortable, disconcerted. I hesitated for a few seconds, but turned the pages again, searching for his face among the photos, until I finally found him. Shy, with a withdrawn and insincere smile, he gave me a rather dull look. Even his hair seemed a dull copper color.

I closed the yearbook, slightly confused. I had come for information but ended up still full of questions. I would have liked to know more. What exactly had sparked the Levi-Farlan fight?

I left the library with a slight headache from all the riotous thoughts flitting through my mind. I didn't know how it was possible that every time I took one step in the right direction at the same time I took two steps back. It felt like I was in the middle of a bad teenage mystery series. "The Hazing Mystery"... would be a pretty pathetic topic, to tell the truth. My theories began to get more and more crazy until an uproar cut the thread of my thoughts. It was very close to the locker rooms for the tennis courts. The noise was coming from within. All the hairs on my body stood on end when I recognized Reiner's voice.

—Do you think you can get away with your shit? — he asked, and immediately there was a metallic bang, as if something - or someone, probably - had been pushed against the lockers. The memory of the sound would have been enough to make me run away and pretend that nothing had happened, but again I heard his voice. —I don't know what you think you saw, fucker, but I'm going to make sure you don't open your mouth.

Against all the alarms going off in my head, I walked slowly to the door to peek just far enough to see what was happening. Reiner was standing in front of one of the shower cubicles. I could only see his back. I saw that next to him was his friend, the one who looked like a lamp post, who was looking down with some concern. He seemed to be sweating. I heard a groan and my eyes drifted to his victim.

—Do you think beating the shit out of me will solve your issues, Reiner? — Levi wrapped one hand around his stomach and seemed to be trying to stand up with the other. —You're pathetic ... You are nothing more than a pathetic repressed brat who is afraid to accept his reality—his words were drowned out by a kick from the blond, who seemed to be furious. He was kicking him over and over and I felt something inside me that I hadn't felt since the night of the hazing, when it was me he was hitting.

—Stop it! — I exclaimed, suddenly emboldened. That was enough to get the attention of Reiner and his friend. —Leave him alone!

—Ah! —I glanced at Levi, but I couldn't pay that much attention to him, because Reiner immediately faced me —. I knew we would soon see each other again, faggot. Are you here to defend your boyfriend? —he asked mockingly. My heart was pounding. He took me by the collar of my sweatshirt, pulling me towards him. I knew he was going to hit me again, but at least he had left Levi alone, who was still lying on the floor —. Apparently you're not that much of a coward ... I like that. You and I have some unfinished business.

I was terrified, I couldn't deny that. Now I didn't know if things would be limited to just one beating. Why had I had this idiocy urge so suddenly? He looked away to turn to see his friend.

—Hold his arms.

When I felt his hands take my arms, pressing them against my back, I started to hyperventilate. It was like that night all over again and the feeling wasn't pleasant at all. I was twisting, kicking and fighting as hard as I could, but it seemed useless. Reiner put his hands on the waistband of my pants and panic washed over me, as I felt him struggle to remove them. I was breathing hard, terrified. I looked everywhere for help but Levi seemed unconscious. Finally, I screamed: —Stop! Enough! —the denim and the strength of his hands hurt my legs. I closed my eyes tightly, unable to prevent the tears from starting to flow.

Suddenly, I heard a loud hit and my arms were released. Reiner released me too and I fell to the ground, quickly pulling up my pants, which had already shown enough. Confused and sobbing, I saw Jean out of the corner of my eye, who had lunged directly at Reiner. The tall boy seemed to be passed out from Jean's initial blow. I couldn't understand much of what was going on, but after a few seconds, Jean pulled my arm, forcing me to get up to flee the locker room.

—I know your secret, Eren Jäeger! — Reiner yelled, his voice echoing in my ears and in my whole being as we sped away from the locker room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary:  
> Mika tells Erin about Farlan, an old friend of Levi but after the accident in the hazing in which Levi took part the stopped talking and he transferred to another school. She goes to the library and finds a photo of Farlan and Levi in a yearbook. She also finds a third guy involved with them that rings some familiar bells for her.  
> When she's walking back to her room, she hears a fight inside the locker room and finds Levi being beaten up by Reiner and one of his friends. She tries to defend Levi but she fails and Reiner ended up discovering her secret. Before things turned worse, Jean appeared and saved Erin.


	9. Sour Candy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, first of all: I'm sorry for the late update. I've been busy these days and stuff. The good news: we have a new chapter. And also, I got a new job, so maybe the updates will be not as constant as they've been but I'll write and post a chapter at least once a week. Thank you so much for your kudos, comments and support <3 It's what keeps me inspired. Have a nice week!

I felt numb. I could barely hear anything but an annoying endless beep. It was like I was underwater. I saw Jean move his mouth but I couldn't make out what he was saying. The only thing I could think of is Reiner, his threat and the terror that I'd felt just seconds ago. He saw me. And not only him, but Levi and the other guy in the locker room had seen me too. And they'd seen me in the worst possible way. I felt exposed and disgusted at the same time.

—...okay? —Finally, Jean's voice reached my ears, although it seemed like a distant echo. I looked at him and knew by his expression that I mustn't look quite right. He had a busted lip and a few drops of blood on the collar of his shirt. He knelt in front of me, to look at me closely, examining me —. Are you okay?

No. I wasn't okay. Things had fallen apart like a house of cards left out in the open. My life, my dreams and my ambitions ... everything was ruined. And not only that, but my mind kept replaying over and over again the horrible sensation of struggling against a pair of too strong hands that were hurting me. I felt weak, vulnerable ... stupid. Why had I ignored my instincts? Why had I had to try my luck in such a stupid way? The sensations were overwhelming, suffocating. All I could do was let frustration and fear pour out of me like sobs and thick, cold tears. It was like turning on an endless water tap. Jean hugged me, but not even the comfort of his arms was enough. I had no idea what to do. It was only a matter of time before Reiner spread my secret throughout the academy. Not only would they expel me, but they would let the entire education bureau know. I was sure that I would be banned from any school ... And not only that, it would also affect Mika, Jean ... All for a stupid lie, for thinking that I could do something for which I was obviously not ready.

—He knows —I sobbed —. He knows and will tell everyone ... —I covered my face with my hands —. Shit, shit, shit ... I'm an idiot!— I exclaimed. Jean took my hands away from my face. I couldn't look at him. I had gotten him into this mess and he would lose everything he had worked so hard for. Levi was right. It was better not to get involved with me. It was nothing more than a magnet for trouble —. Jean, I'm sorry, you don't know how sorry I am ... you're going to lose your scholarship because of me.

—Don't worry— he murmured, though I could tell from his tone that he was worried —. Everything's going to be fine, okay?— He met my gaze and tried to smile convincingly —. I'll do my best to keep that idiot from opening his mouth. I'll ... tell him I'll do anything for the student council, I'm going to-

—If you think that that asswipe is going to keep quiet then you're more of an idiot than you seem —Levi's voice startled us both and out of sheer instinct I tried to hide from him by hugging my knees to my chest. Jean glared at him and headed to face him. The difference in heights was obvious, but Levi didn't seem to be intimidated at all. I noticed that he was wrapping his left arm around his ribs —. I can assure you that if you step foot in the student council room they'll make you mush. They're going to make your life miserable and spread rumors about you until you become an outcast.

—I don't need your warnings.

—It's not a warning, it's a fact — Levi said, walking past Jean. He didn't look at me at all and I saw that he sat down with difficulty on his bed —. I've seen them do it —he said, flinching, probably from the pain —. They start by beating you and humiliating you, then they spread rumors about you until your reputation is fucked up, even with the teachers.

—I can't just sit by and do nothing. They'll do it to… —Jean interrupted himself as he looked at me. He sighed heavily —. It can't be possible for a guy like him to have so much power in this academy. If I speak with the director first, I can solve this.

—Are you dumb? —Levi raised an eyebrow —. Reiner's family are basically the providers of this academy. Almost all the buildings were donated by them or his friends families. He can do whatever he wants.

Listening to this discussion only made me feel worse. Knowing that no matter what we did Reiner would win was depressing. Worse still if I thought about the consequences that Jean would suffer. He didn't have to bear the brunt of my mistakes.

—Jean — I called his attention, interrupting him. He immediately approached me —. I don't want you to do anything. Please —I said quietly —. Let me figure this out on my own— I noticed he made an annoyed gesture, but before he could speak, I placed both of my hands on his cheeks and looked him straight in the eye —. Promise me you're not going to get in trouble. I don't want to hurt you anymore.

—Erin ...

—Go to the infirmary. I'm tired. Tomorrow we'll find a way to fix this. Please don't do anything stupid —. He hesitated for a few moments and I knew he wanted to refuse my request. I didn't blame him, as we would only be delaying the inevitable. In the end he just sighed, resigned and left the room, but not before looking at Levi for a few seconds, as if he were considering the idea of leaving me alone with him or not, but he ended up leaving in silence. I took a deep breath, laying back on the bed, covering myself with the covers up to my head.

—Reiner won't open his mouth.

My eyes barely peeked over the sheets. Levi was looking at me, but it was a very different look than the one he normally gave me.

—You should tell your friend tomorrow.

—How do you know? —I asked, still unable to leave my shelter. Levi opened the drawer of his nightstand, taking out some pills that he put in his mouth and swallowed them without water.

—I told him not to.

I waited to see if he added anything else, but he was silent, as if he was waiting for the pills he took to take effect. How to trust Levi right off the bat? He had already let me know that his support was nothing more than to save himself trouble. The silence between us thickened as the minutes passed. I started to get nervous. There was so much to think about, so many worries that tormented me.

—Why did you came in to defend me?— his voice broke the silence suddenly. It was a good question, and I honestly didn't know what to answer him. I didn't understand myself either, much less because I thought I was angry with him —. You really are a reckless brat—he added, but he didn't seem annoyed. Rather, he seemed to be surprised —. Even after what I told you in the morning, you stood in front of them. You truly have a death wish.

—I ... just heard they were hitting someone. I couldn't just do nothing about it—I mumbled, pulling the covers down a bit more. I looked at the ceiling, thinking about my true motives —. Why did you defend me on the night of the hazing?

—It was the right thing to do —he said quietly, and his tone made me turn to look at him. Levi seemed to be staring at nothing. He let out a very heavy sigh —. A few years ago I wouldn't even have minded if you got hit. I thought that's how life worked, you know, the strongest always have the last word —his eyes met mine and I could see the reflection of guilt etched in them —. It was that way of thinking that got me into so much trouble. I lost everything that mattered to me, I lost my pride and my dignity for the illusion of being stronger ... And yet, I was left alone.

—Levi ...

—I've seen and suffered what Reiner is capable of doing with people who oppose him and when I saw him doing that with you ...—he shook his head —. I didn't want to make the same mistake again and stay silent. I did it because of that —he shrugged —. But I knew it was a double-edged sword. When defending you I knew that Reiner would not take his eye off you, much more if he knew that you were with me.

I was silent, analyzing his words. It made sense, sure, but had it been necessary to act so cryptically all along? He had really made me feel very bad with his rejection and rudeness. It was hard for me to trust him completely, although I was no less grateful for the gesture for that. I supposed that perhaps I had moved away to protect myself, although it had done little. Maybe he was just right and I was a magnet for trouble.

—I would have understood if you had explained things to me — I said —. I'm not stupid. I can keep secrets.

—That's clear to me —he murmured, raising an eyebrow. He looked me up and down —. I hadn't thought you were acting so weird because you're a girl —I sighed. So in the end he'd seen me. It didn't console me in the least and, in fact, it was quite humiliating to have been exposed like that to strangers —. I won't open my mouth if that worries you.

—Thank you ... —I said in a low voice, without much encouragement —. But I'm more worried about Reiner...Are you sure he won't say anything?

—Yes. He and Bert usually hang out in the locker rooms at the tennis courts on weekends to grope each other —he said, and I was shocked by the information. At some point I came to think that Reiner's anger came from some internal frustration, but I never thought it was because of that —. I've known for a long time but I had preferred not to say anything to avoid problems—I saw that he made a gesture of discomfort —. I told Reiner that I had taken photos and shit and that if he said something about you, I would send them to the whole school.

—Did you really took photos of them?

—Fuck no, I'm not a freak... But he doesn't know that. I'm a good liar—I could see he was smiling, but only a little. Nothing to give away that he knew more than one emotion to express. Knowing this calmed me down a bit. Not enough to make me lower my guard, but at least I'd bought time. I hoped it was enough to last the entire semester.

I got out of bed and walked over to Levi, who gave me a strange look. I sat next to him on his bed.

—I would like us to start over—I said—. Now that we know each other's secrets, we could use support from each other to survive until graduation —I didn't want to live the next few months distrusting Levi, even less for the fact that he knew my secret and, besides, we were both in the same problem with Reiner. He, Jean, and I had to be as careful as possible —I know you told me you didn't want me to get into your life, but it's too late for that ...— I held out my hand, so he could take it —. My real name is Erin.

—Creativity is not one of your talents, is it? —he raised an eyebrow, but in the end he took my hand and I gave it a friendly squeeze —. Do you really think we'll last the whole semester?

—We have to try.


	10. Gummy Bears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I bring a long fluffy chapter just because I feel like it. My baby needs some sugar.thank you so much for the support, kudos, comments and reads! Ah, you make me so happy! Have a nice weekend, sweeties!

I spent the weeks following the accident with Reiner on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Every time I walked into a class or the cafeteria, I was afraid that everyone would know the truth about me. I couldn't sleep well and that obviously affected my academic performance a lot. I had never had such low grades and this made me feel even worse. If I didn't lose my scholarship because the rector found out that I was a girl, I would lose it because I was about to fail the course. I couldn't afford to let my guard down so easily, even though Levi insisted endlessly that Reiner wouldn't say anything. Even Jean looked more relaxed and had changed his school committee activities to join the basketball team. They all seemed to pretend nothing had happened except me.

—You can't miss another saturday at the shelter. —Levi looked at me from above. I was still in bed, feeling like a trodden piece of poop. I hadn't slept at all the night before and my head ached from thinking about all the homework I had to do.

—I can't. I'm smol. —I mumbled, pulling the covers up to my head. —Tell Isabel I'm dying, surely she can justify my absence ...

—If you don't go, you'll lose the credits you need to get through the semester. You must have evidence of volunteering, brat, —he said, mercilessly throwing away some of the covers. I curled up still, trying to cover myself with my own body. Since we had both talked about our secrets, things had improved a bit between Levi and me. He no longer avoided me like before and we had conversations from time to time. The only thing he didn't talk about at all was what happened in the hazing, because he said it was something that had already happened and that it wasn't worth talking about. —Come on, you have to do something for yourself. You cannot live locked up and scared.

—I'm not a brat — I grumbled, scowling at him. I sighed and sat up on the bed. —I just can't be calm. I know he hasn't spoken, but ... what if he does? What if he's waiting until the last minute to do it?

—You're acting like a brat — he replied, tossing me my sweatshirt, which I had left on the back of the desk chair. Levi sighed and sat next to me, looking into my eyes. —Listen, Erin. Reiner is no idiot and you do well to mistrust his word, —he explained—. But living with that mistrust on your shoulders only makes things easier for him. He's good at manipulating people and if he notices how fragile you are right now, it won't cost him anything to make you give yourself away —he put a hand on my shoulder, and I found the gesture strangely comforting. We didn't use to touch at all, much less now that he knew I'm a girl —. If he sees that you're moving on with your life and that you're relaxed, he'll think twice before saying something because he knows that you're confident that you also know his secret.

Although it was good advice, it was not so easy for me to apply it. It was very difficult not to be scared.

—If you need help with any class or homework ... —he started to say, taking his hand off my shoulder. He paused, as if he was thinking through his words before saying them. He looked away to look at the ground —... I can help you if you want. I know we don't share any class, but we all see the same agenda.

I sighed. It was a kind enough offer. Of course I had thought of asking Armin or Mika for help. Even Jean, but I was really ashamed of feeling like a nuisance. After all, they had to take care of their grades too. I was the one with the academic scholarship, right? I had to be the one to bring myself up. On instinct, I rested my head on Levi's shoulder, just for a few seconds. Just enough to realize what I was doing and straighten up immediately.

—Yeah, that's fine — I stammered, getting out of bed. I avoided looking at him as I walked around the room gathering the clothes I would wear. I went to the bathroom to change, my face red with embarrassment.

***

We both walked in silence towards the shelter. I didn't speak as much as I used to because I was wrapped up in my thoughts and Levi's words. I knew Reiner was pretty smart, despite having the whole stereotype of a high school bully. He took care of his image as much as possible and was aware of the power he had in the academy. The only thing stopping him from destroying me was the information Levi claimed he had. It was no secret to anyone that the Braun family were extremely conservative and such a scandal would ruin their reputation. It was like being on the edge of the cliff. The only thing that kept me from falling into the void was a fine thread of spider web to which I clung with all my strength. Maybe Levi was right. It was always easier to knock down a poorly laid wall because you didn't even have to touch it. All he had to do was exert the necessary pressure to tear down the wall. I had to find a source of courage, like the one that had invaded me when I defended Levi.

—Eren! I was starting to fear that you wouldn't come —Isabel greeted me with as much enthusiasm as if she had known me all my life. I smiled at her, a little embarrassed. I tried to excuse myself for not coming last weekend, but she shook her head, smiling at me —. Don't worry about that. Levi explained everything to me.

—You should be ashamed of being so irresponsible —he murmured, taking off his jacket.

—Ignore him —. Isabel took my arm and led me to the back, where the dog cages were —. Levi tends to act like a grandpa sometimes — she laughed and led me to the space where the dogs were given baths —. Today it's your turn to give them a bath ... Not all of them, of course, but the two largest we have for now.

Isabel pointed to the nearest cage and I leaned out to see inside. A german shepherd looked back at me, wagging his tail curiously at the sight of me. I noticed immediately that one of his ears was missing a piece and that the dog was limping a little on one leg.

—This is Titan — the redhead explained to me, opening the cage —. A few months ago we rescued him from a place where they organized illegal dogfights— Titan came out slowly, sniffing around him. He approached Isabel and she patted his head —. It took him a bit to adjust, but he knows no one here is going to hurt him —she reached her hand out to me and when I took it, she guided the palm of my hand until it was close to Titan's nose —. Let him smell you a little, so that he knows you.

The dog sniffed my hand for a few seconds and, as a seal of approval, licked my fingers a bit. Isabel urged me to pet his and, with some hesitation, I did, scratching behind his ears. Titan wagged his tail and leaned closer, seeking affection from me. I loved dogs, especially big ones, but I had never been able to have one because our house was too small. I crouched down in front of him and allowed him to lick my face, which made me laugh. I didn't know how much I needed to do it.

—You have to tie his leash to that post —Isabel explained —. There's the hose, a bucket and the shampoo. I'll be back in a bit to help you dry him, okay?

It wasn't an easy task. Titan was quite large and moved incessantly. He kept shaking when I wet him and, as expected, I ended up drenched, despite having avoided it at all costs. I had barely started lathering the dog when I saw out of the corner of my eye that Levi was tying another dog's leash on the same post as me. It was a beautiful husky, but very slim. It seemed much calmer than Titan, whom I had to hug against my chest so that he would not rush to smell his bath partner.

—Did you really think Isabel would let your absence pass as if nothig had happened? — Levi asked, stroking the dog's back —. She's not that benevolent ... She was saving this for you— he took the hose and carefully began to wet the dog's fur.

—Mh ...— I couldn't be mad at her. It wasn't a punishment really, just a little extra work. I kept trying to rub Titan, despite how much he moved —. She said I had to bathe two dogs.

—Yes. Titan and Liberty —he replied —. But I noticed you'd been bathing Titan for an eternity and I want to leave early today —he murmured. He seemed used to work and the husky was quite composed.

—Aw, did you come to help me? —I asked him. Levi didn't answer me and just kept doing his thing. He was very skilled and I noticed that he didn't get wet one bit. Despite not knowing the answer, I smiled at him and continued with my work, making maneuvers to finish bathing the dog.

After a good half hour, Isabel helped me dry Titan and I felt exhausted. Levi had finished too, but he didn't look tired at all and had actually taken care of feeding the rest of the dogs. I assumed it was a talent acquired after so many semesters doing the same volunteer duty.

—Did you bring other clothes?— Isabel asked me when we got back to the office. I shook my head and she laughed. —I think I have something you can wear. —She said, searching inside some old boxes. She pulled out a dark green sweatshirt and blue jeans. On the chest of the sweatshirt I recognized the emblem of the academy. The clothes were too small to be Levi's, so I assumed another student might have forgotten them.

—I knew it would fit you perfectly —she said when I came out of the bathroom, dry and comfortable —. We're almost the same size — she winked at me as she spread my wet sweatshirt over the back of a chair. She looked at me and I noticed a certain nostalgic glint in her blue eyes —. I haven't seen this sweatshirt in a long time ...— she murmured. Her gaze was fixed on the embroidered emblem. She sighed and then smiled, as if she had come out of her thoughts suddenly —. Are you ready to change the cats litter?

***

The sun was beginning to set when we were finally able to get out of the shelter. I was exhausted and wanted to go back as soon as possible to sleep. Levi, on the other hand, seemed quite calm, energetic even. In his own way, of course. I shuffled in the direction of the school, but he didn't follow me. I turned to look at him.

—Are you hungry? —he asked suddenly —. Today was a heavy day and ... I know a place where we can eat something, if you want.

I was somewhat confused. I wouldn't have expected to receive an invitation like that from Levi. Around the same time, my stomach growled. Of course I could agree to eat something ... And it would also be a good idea to see something beyond the academy. It was saturday, after all.

—Is it expensive? —I asked, walking towards him. I had some money, but it wasn't too much. Levi rolled his eyes.

—Are you coming or not? —he just started walking and I followed him. I certainly hadn't seen anything beyond the school and the shelter. The academy was in the center of the city and I had never had the opportunity to visit anything. I lived in another district, quite far away, so even when I was at Rose High I hadn't come to this part of the city. I was looking around, curiously. The houses and businesses were quaint and colorful. The sunset and early fall colors gave the streets a very calming air. Little by little I felt the tension disappear from my shoulders and when we entered the place that Levi had told me it was impossible not to gape

It was a most beautiful restaurant, with plants hanging from the ceiling and shelves full of old books, antiques, and old framed photographs. We sat near a window and I couldn't stop looking around me, because wherever I looked I found a new detail that caught my attention.

—How did you find this place? —I asked him. He shrugged —. Well, it's very pretty. Thanks for bringing me.

Levi pointed out the tastiest items on the menu and we ended up ordering a pizza for the two of us.

—I should have imagined you like pizza with pineapple —he commented, raising an eyebrow —. I can tell you have very bad tastes —I stuck my tongue out at him and he half smiled —. That would explain why you have that boyfriend.

—Who? Jean? —I shook my head, laughing. I knew I had blushed a little —. He's not my boyfriend — I clarified —. He's just my friend. I've known him since kindergarten— I shrugged, taking another slice of pizza. Levi was silent for a few seconds —. Besides, pineapple pizza is only reserved for the finest palates ... Not every mortal can enjoy it—. Just to annoy him I took a big bite out of my slice, exaggerating my reaction. He laughed a little, just a little bit. He gave me a napkin shortly after —. Hey, Levi? —he took a slice of his pizza: pepperoni and cheese —. Thank you very much ... for what you told me earlier. About being brave ... I've been thinking about it and I think you're right. I can't let fear take over.

—You're welcome —he said —. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be cautious. I don't want you to get in any more trouble, you hear brat? —I smiled at him, reaching out to wipe a tomato sauce stain off his cheek with my napkin.

—Loud and clear, captain.


	11. Smores

The days progressed normally. Fortunately, the nervousness and stress that had plagued me for the first few months were gone and now I felt completely relaxed. I simply came to assume that the situation had cooled to the point of being forgotten and that neither Reiner nor I would touch the subject again. In any case, I never met him in the hallways and rarely did I see him from afar in the cafeteria.

—Aren't you going with Isabel this weekend? —I asked Levi at lunch. I had made the bold decision to sit at his table, although he looked a lot less hostile to this and took it quite naturally. He nodded silently, but he didn't looked very happy.

—I have family matters to resolve— he murmured, and at that point I recognized the tone that indicated that he was not going to discuss the matter any further. It was a bit frustrating because even though we talked a lot more and I considered Levi my friend, I felt like I knew him very little. He didn't usually answer my questions about his personal life or his family and most of what I knew was because of what Mika told me. There were a thousand rumors surrounding Levi but I wanted to know the truth. —It's fine anyway. She told me that maybe we don't need to go on saturday. —I made a disappointed face. —Why aren't you happy? You'll have a weekend off, brat.

—I suppose I'm used to going ...— I said, then let out a sigh. The truth is, I think that what helped me the most to relax was precisely going to the shelter and spend time with the dogs and cats. I had become too fond of Titan. —Anyway, I think I'll go. I have yet to return Isabel's sweatshirt.

—Where are you going? —Jean sat next to me, making an unusual fuss as he dropped his tray on the table. Levi looked at him unimpressed, just raising his eyebrow.

—Uhm ... to the animal shelter? —I said. —It's where I volunteer and ... Well, where Levi and I do it. —I explained. —The girl we work with lended me her sweatshirt a few weeks ago and I forgot to return it to her.

—And is this girl on our team? —Jean asked, lowering his voice. I looked at him a bit confused, but Levi replied:

—Sorry, but I'd like to know why the hell are you sitting here?

Jean ignored him and kept looking at me, like Levi wasn't there and hadn't said a word. I cleared my throat, feeling a strange tension building up in the air.

—N-no ... Well, I didn't say anything to her, but she's a good girl —I commented. Certainly Isabel was a cinnamon roll. Sometimes we talked in our free time and she always seemed to be happy. She made me laugh when she told me some funny anecdote about the shelter or her life and, in general, it was very easy to spend time with her. The truth is that I'd been about to tell her a couple of times, because I longed for a female friendship after so long, but I always stopped out of fear and shame. —Actually, Jean, why did you sit here? Did you leave Mika and Armin alone? —I asked, looking around for them.

—They're doing a project together— he replied, taking a big bite out of his sandwich. —And since you didn't sit where we always sit today, well ... I've come to sit with you. Does it bother you?

I glanced briefly at Levi, who was beginning to feel more and more annoyed. The wrinkle in his brow was unmistakable.

—Well, no, but ...

—You know, Erin? —Jean interrupted to me —I have realized that we have not spent as much time together as before. Remember that we both entered this school as a team —he said, then put his arm around my shoulders.

That attitude seemed strange to me, to say the least. Jean was not used to being that way and, in fact, he hadn't seemed to care too much about our estrangement. Sure he was on the lookout and would always ask me if I was okay, but he had never gotten past that. Especially since I wanted to remain as low-key as possible. I elbowed him in the ribs to make him let go off me.

—What's wrong with you today, horse face?— I asked. —Since when are you interested in spending time with me?

Jean shrugged, taking another bite of her sandwich.

—I just want to keep my promise to take care of you.

—Erin isn't an idiot, she knows how to take care of herself —Levi snapped, taking a sip of his coffee. I opened my mouth to comment, but Jean was quicker.

—I wasn't talking to you, dwarf —he told him, raising an eyebrow. Levi set his coffee on the table and stared at him.

—I would like to review this "promise" of yours —he made the quotation marks in the air — I didn't see you on the night of the hazing, I didn't see you very worried when she spent almost a whole week with a black eye —he began to say — On the contrary, you were very glad to join the student committee instead of hanging out with her during volunteering ... If you hadn't seen the shit Reiner was doing, you would surely be sitting at his table licking his balls. Is that what you call taking care of her?

I was quiet. Things had gotten pretty tense from one moment to the next and he could also feel that Jean didn't liked at all Levi's words. I didn't know if I should be on Levi's side or not because, anyway, I had been the one who had preferred not to say anything to avoid problems.

—What does it matter to you?— Jean answered, raising his voice a little. —You don't even know her like I do.

—I don't want to know her like you do —Levi said firmly. —I can tell it's not enough.

Alright. I had been running away from stressful situations and this definitely was one of those. I didn't want to have anything to do with this. I just took my tray and got up.

—Just kiss already —I told them before I left, without looking back. The last thing he needed was to be the referee in a two-boy fight to see who had the biggest dick.

***

I finally decided that I would go that same day to return Isabel's sweatshirt. I wanted to avoid the awkward moment of seeing Levi in the room, and I was thinking maybe it was a good idea to take the weekend off. I could use it to go out for a walk or sleep a little more, as a preamble to the exams.

It was strange walking to the shelter without Levi, but at that point I felt a bit relieved. I still didn't fully understand what had happened in the cafeteria with Levi and Jean. I felt slightly uncomfortable remembering it, so it was very easy to forget it when I pushed open the door and saw Isabel's smiling face.

—Hello, Eren! What a surprise! — she exclaimed. I was also going to greet her when a very familiar face appeared through the door that separated the reception from the rest of the room. It took me a few seconds to identify it. —I don't think I had introduced you to my boyfriend: Farlan. —Memories of the yearbook photos and conversations with Mika flooded into my mind. So this was the mythical Farlan we talked about. —I already told you about Eren, he comes with Levi on Saturdays.

The boy was quite tall and lanky, easily a head and a half taller than Isabel. He looked at me for a few seconds and I felt examined, like I was undergoing a polygraph test. I greeted him with a friendly gesture and turned my attention to Isabel, pulling her sweatshirt out of my backpack.

—Ah! —she exclaimed, taking it. —I even forgot you had it — she laughed, putting it on the counter. —Isn't Levi coming with you?

—No ...—I shook my head, trying very hard not to look directly at Farlan. My impulses pushed me to ask the questions that I had not been able to ask Levi, but I did not know if it was appropriate to do it in front of Isabel. Surely she wasn't even aware of it. —Ah, but he told me that he wasn't coming tomorrow ...

—Yes, yes, he always returns home at this time of the year — the redhead answered, resting her chin on the palm of her hand. She let out a sigh. —But you will come, right?— I smiled at her and nodded, though then I glanced at Farlan. —Excellent! Tomorrow is adoption day and I need all the help I can ... That's why I asked Farlan to help me. And counting on you, everything will go smoothly!

I was a bit taken aback by Isabel's words. Hadn't Levi said that she wouldn't need help? Why lie about it?

—By the way, Eren, we were about to order something to eat ... do you want to join us?— Isabel asked. I hesitated for a few seconds. She didn't know if this would make her boyfriend uncomfortable, but he seemed to be relaxed about it. His gaze was no longer analytical and now he just seemed curious. I nodded. A question still hovered in my mind that perhaps it was not wise to say aloud:

_Was Levi avoiding Farlan?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why, when you see boys fight does it look so horrible yet feel so right?  
> sorry for the short chapter and after all this time. I've been having a very weird week.


	12. Ice Cream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise bitch.  
> i bet you thought you'd seen the last of me.

I was so grateful for Isabel's seemingly inexhaustible chatter that left very little room for Farlan or I to open our mouths. She talked endlessly about adoption days, all the pending paperwork she had to do, past experiences, and honestly, I silently thanked her so much for being this outgoing. I'd barely taken a couple of bites of my pizza slice and Farlan ate silently, nodding when necessary and smiling when Isabel said something funny. From what I could understand, he used to help Isabel at the shelter during the week and on adoption days, so that was why we hadn't run into him.

—You didn't like the pizza?— Isabel asked suddenly, tilting her head. Her question caught me off guard and I just answered that I didn't have much of an appetite. —Oh wow ... Are you feeling sick?

—No, no ...— I hurried to say —It's ... well, you know how things are with school, exams are coming up and I've ... been busy— I said, trying to sound convincing. She looked at me like an understanding mother but Farlan narrowed his eyes a little. It was obvious that he wasn't very easy to fool.

—Ugh, I understand what you mean —Isabel rolled her eyes —I hate these times of the year, they are suffocating ... So much pressure to scribble on a sheet of paper so that in the end you won't remember anything you studied … —She shook her head and shuddered. She turned to look at Farlan —Fortunately I had the support of this fool to help me get good grades because if not ... Well, I would have left school much earlier —she chuckled and patted the blonde's leg, who smiled at her and messed up her hair a little.

—You don't go to school? —I asked, to which the redhead shook her head.

—Three years ago I left school and started working here.—She replied, though she didn't sound sad. Rather, she seemed very relieved, as if it had been the best decision of her life. —My parents are veterinarians and they used to tend to this place, but as I grew older, in the end they left it to me ... Of course I plan to go back to school some day, but ...—She lowered her gaze for a few seconds and then sighed. —I'm not ready yet.

—There's no pressure — Farlan commented —. There's a lot to do before going back to school. —he was silent for a few moments and then turned his attention to me —. You go to Trost, right?

—Yeah ... although it's only for this semester —I explained.

—Eren has a scholarship — Isabel pointed out, again sounding like a proud mother. These words caused Farlan to change his expression.

—Actually —I commented, trying to test the waters a bit —. I share a room with Levi Ackerman ... Do you know him? —Isabel was silent and immediately turned to see the blonde. His expression turned slightly sour with a frown. It seemed that the name did not sound like anything pleasant.

—Yes — he replied, dryly. I thought briefly of the photos in which I had seen them together. What had happened between them? —. I haven't talked to him since I transferred to another institute.

—Oh ...— I murmured.

—If I'm honest, I would recommend that you be careful with him —he added. Isabel shifted uncomfortably in her seat. —He's not someone to be trusted.— The redhead put a hand on his arm, giving him a light squeeze. He looked at her for a few seconds and then sighed. —I don't advise you to confide your secrets to him. He doesn't know how to keep them.

I was quiet and the silence was starting to get awkward. Isabel had been staring at the ground, visibly tense by the situation. It seemed that I had touched on a sensitive issue for them and I could not find a way to solve it because I had opened my gossipy mouth.

—I think ... I'll go now —was the only thing I could say. —I have to go back and ... study for a while... Is it okay if I come tomorrow?— Isabel nodded silently and got up to lead me to the entrance, leaving Farlan behind, who looked quite annoyed, as if Levi's name brought back dark memories.

Once at the door, I began to apologize to Isabel between babbles, but she stopped me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

—You didn't know, it's not your fault,— she explained, with a half smile. She let out a heavy sigh. —I've been trying to get them to get along for the past three years, but some things just get hopelessly broken —she shrugged —. Levi isn't that bad, you've seen it yourself. It's just ... Well, Farlan has his reasons.

—I get it...

—You're smart, Eren, I think you can make your own judgment about Levi —she gave me a squeeze on the shoulder before lowering her hand—. I know you're going through and it's not easy —. I didn't say anything, surprised by her words. In her eyes there was a nostalgic and maternal glow of which I did not know the origin —. Trost is full of monsters and intolerance, but you must not let that get you ahead. Always be yourself ... And whenever you want you can come and chat with me. I'm always available for my friends!

Isabel smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back at her. I said goodbye to her, thanking her again for the sweatshirt and pizza before leaving the place.

***

Isabel's words had left me feeling very strange. It wasn't as if I felt that she'd discovered my secret, but that she didn't seem interested and just wanted to be supportive. At least it was comforting to know that she considered me her friend and seemed to support me, albeit in an unorthodox way. I promised myself to make a space in the week to talk with her and tell her the truth.

When I got back to the room there was no sign of Levi anywhere and it was a relief, frankly. I still had to figure out how to ask him all the questions I had in mind without him getting fed up with me. I knew it would not be an easy task because he seemed annoyed by those kind of question about the past. I'd figured out that it was something that he didn't want to talk about at all. And maybe... I was getting way too into it. I laid on the bed, looking at the ceiling. Why was I so interested in all of that? I mean, it didn't had to do that much with me. I wasn't even at the academy when it all went down, but... He was just... like a puzzle to me. Since the first day we had the kind of first impression you wouldn't forget. Was I being weird with all of this? I mean, I was being really nosey but I was just so involved now... So close of solving this mystery...

A text notification startled me and I took out my phone from my pocket. It was from Jean.

"U busy rn?"

"no, wdyw?"

"i want to tell u something, meet me at the pool"

I looked at the screen for a few seconds. Maybe it was something important, maybe it was something about what happened at lunch with Levi. Anyways, I figured out that maybe I needed a little distraction from this whole teenage-detective stuff I was getting into. Besides, Jean himself told me that we didn't hang out anymore. Some familiar sensations would be enough to keep me sane, right?.

While walking towards the pool building I felt a shiver ran down my spine. I guessed it was the same way Reiner and his asshole friends had dragged me down that first night, when everything started to go down. I tried to brush away that feeling. When I was at the door I peeked inside but it was kind of dark there. I took out my phone again.

"i'm here"

A few seconds passed by.

"i'm inside"

I frowned but still I pushed the door and the familiar smell of chlorine sticked to my nose. Again, a weird sensation appeared, giving me some bad vibes about that place. It was really dark and the lights from inside the pool were the only thing that gave me an idea of my surroundings.

—Jean? — I said and my voice echoed. Almost immediately I heard a phone ringing, scaring me —Fuck —I mumbled. It came from the locker room —. If this is one of your jokes it's not funny, asshole!

I walked towards the locker room, the sound of the phone getting higher and higher. I started to feel unease and kind of scared. Jean liked to pull this kind of pranks on me but something wasn't quite right about this one. I pushed the door and it was even darker in there. When I walked in, I noticed a light from behind of one of the lockers and I walked towards it. The phone stopped ringing all of a sudden and I picked it up from the bench. It was Jean's phone.

—What the fuck? —I whispered, but before I could think of anything else I felt something really hard hitting me on the head and everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really sorry for updating so late. I know you've been wanting to keep on reading this drama but my life has been a mess... fortunately i've solved my issues (for now) and i found inspo again to keep on writing.  
> please let me know if you like it or hate it or what you think about this whole thing.  
> i love you for being so patient with me, here, grab a kiss and place it wherever you want.


	13. Jawbreaker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin wakes up in an unknown place. Reiner tricked her to fall into his trap and talks with her about what happened in the hazing three years ago. He reveals that Levi betrayed one of his friends, revealing her secret to them. Reiner and his friends hit and abuse Erin only to leave here there, all alone, threatening her with killing her if she opened her mouth. He ordered her to leave school as soon as possible. Erin runs away after they leave and she arrives to the shelter, where Isabel and Farlan call an ambulance. Erin finally faints.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm baaaaaaaaack and I bring you some traumatic experiences because I'm extra like that.  
> It won't be long for us to finish this journey and i am T H R I L L E D  
> ly

**IMPORTANT**

**BEFORE YOU START READING THIS CHAPTER**

> **!!!!!!!! RE-READ THE LAST CHAPTER TO GET THE CONTEXT, I CHANGED A FEW THINGS. !!!!!!!!!!**

**IT CONTAINS BLOOD, VIOLENCE, SEXUAL ABUSE AND OFFENSIVE SLURS**

**PLEASE READ THE CHAPTER SUMMARY IF YOU WANT TO SKIP IT.**

* * *

A sharp pain in my head makes me open my eyes. It takes me a few seconds to figure out what happened.

I was at the pool locker rooms because Jean told me to go there. Something... someone hit me in the head. I tried to move but I couldn't because my hands were tied behind my back and my legs were also tied to the legs of the chair I was sitting. I looked around, scared. Where the fuck was I? It looked nothing like somewhere I've been before. When I tried to move, my head hurt once again, making me wince.

—Look who finally decided to join us — I felt how my heart stopped when I heard that voice. Reiner walked towards me, crouching to look me in the eyes —I must say, you do have a really hard head — he half smiled, giving me some hard pats that hurt like hell —. Though I recommend for you to check it out later, we might've cracked your skull.

—Where the fuck am I? — I asked whit a shaky voice. I was really scared and confused at this point. I looked around again and started to figure out a couple things like empty boxes and containers, some old equipment covered in dust. It seemed like a warehouse of some sort. I the shadows I noticed that Reiner wasn't alone. His friends were there too and my heart raced in my chest —Where's Jean? What did you do to him?

—We just borrowed his phone —he said, shrugging and standing up again —It's impressive that you're worrying about him when you're in this position. If I were you, I'd be really fucking scared.

—Y-you can't do anything, we know-

—What do you know, exactly? —he interrupted me, getting closer to my face all of a sudden. He raised an eyebrow and I noticed a ferocious spark on his eyes —Don't tell me you really trust what Ackerman told you... If so, you must be really fucking stupid. That piece of shit would do anything to save his own ass —I was getting really confused while hearing his words —. I'm sure you've heard the rumors, right?

I stayed quiet, looking at the ground. I tried to move my hands again but they were tied up so tightly that I only was hurting myself by doing that. Reiner clicked his tongue and before I could do anything else, I felt his fist on my cheek, hitting me even harder than the first time.

—Look at me when I'm talking to you, freak! —he screamed. My mouth was filled with blood and saliva which I had to spit on the ground. Tears ran down my face when I looked at him, shaking —That's better —he murmured. We locked gazes for a few moments of silence and tension —. You know... you look a lot like someone I met a few years ago. He was also a freak and a little bitch, just like you... What was his name? —he asked out loud. His friends laughed and one of them answered —Ian. Yes. He was also a pain in the ass to be honest... And he also refused to be part of the fun on the night of the hazing —I couldn't say anything. My face was swelling up now and it was being hard for me to concentrate —. He was also friends with Ackerman and that other guy... Farlan. Oh, those two were the stars of the student council. They had the best ideas. So promising...

—Let me go... —I said, trying to keep focused. I didn't care at all about his words. I was sure he was lying. Reiner sighed.

—I'm sure you've heard about the accident —I looked at him and he smiled —. It was all fun and laughter until the little bitch started crying. He didn't want to play along and was ruining the whole thing for us. Farlan stepped up for him, though, he was like that... But Levi —he made a pause, as if he was thinking of the moment. He raised his eyebrows, impressed —. He's a wicked son of a bitch, let me tell you. I respect him for that. You know what he said? —Reiner cleared his throat —. "Jump or I'll tell them" —he tried to evoke Levi's tone and it made me feel uncomfortable. That couldn't be true —. That little freak climbed up to the top of the platform and jumped... He must've been really nervous because it was really nasty fell. I think he broke his leg? —Reiner shrugged, as if he didn't cared about it —. We had a really good time, truly.

—Why are you telling me this?

—Nothing in special. I just thought you should know. I was there... And I haven't even told you the best part! —a few of his friends stepped closer. They were looking at me in a way I didn't like at all —Do you know why he's an outcast? Why nobody talks to him? —Reiner bent down to look me in the eyes again. I could tell he was having fun, he was having the time of his life —He told us anyway. He said how that freak was saying that he was a girl, how he found out he wore woman's underwear and used makeup... When we found out... well, we had to teach that faggot some basic biology. He had to know that, no matter what he did, he was a man and he would always be... —he reached out and grabbed me by the hair, pulling so hard I let out a scream of pain —. And we have to give you a lesson as well though... Since you are already a girl... We have to remind you what's your place.

In the matter of seconds, his friends approached me, with a wild glow in their eyes. They seemed like predators to me and I felt hopeless and defenseless, trying to free myself from my ties. on of them placed his hands on my shoulders and his fingers dug into my skin, hurting me even more.

—Careful there, Gal —Reiner said —. She's aggressive.

They all circled around me and shortly after that I felt all kinds of hands all over me, rubbing me, groping me. I screamed and yelled and cried but they didn't seemed to be bothered by this. One of them even slapped me to stop me from screaming.

—Shut the fuck up, bitch! You'll like this!

I was being tugged, dragged and pulled like a rag doll. They pulled my clothes until they ripped them off my body. They scratched my skin when one of them pulled away the binder around my chest. Even at one point I was released from that chair I was tied to and I did tried to fight back. I tried to kick them, bite them, do something, but they were more, they were stronger than me. One of them kicked me in the stomach, making me loose the air from my lungs. I heard my underwear ripping and I couldn't help but start crying desperately, begging them to stop it. One of them pulled my hair to make me raise my head and only then I saw that they were taking photos. Of me. Touching me, humiliating me. I panicked even more when I heard a belt buckle dropping to the ground.

They held me down, with my legs wide spread. It was painful even to fight back and every time I tried I felt a fist or kick or a slap on my face. Then, I felt like something was ripping me apart from the inside.

—Shit, I already had forgotten how tight they could be! —someone said, while he moved his fingers inside of me, violently and carelessly. I screamed again, crying my lungs out, asking for help.

—I think that's enough —Reiner said, after an eternity passed by. They let go off me. I was shaking, crying, naked on the floor of that abandoned warehouse and I flinched when he came closer to me —I hope you've learned your lesson, slut. If you're smart, you'll leave and keep your mouth shut... I know you will because if you say something about this, I'll send those to everyone you know and don't know. It'll be fine. You'll make a lot of perverts happy —I saw him smile and I felt nauseous —I don't want to see your face around the school ever again, you heard me? If you do, I'll fucking kill you. 

I closed my eyes. Everything hurt so much. I heard him walked away, along whit his friends, who were still laughing about what just happened.

***

I wan't sure about how much time had passed. The only thing I was aware of was how I felt. I tried to collect what was left of my clothes, incapable os stopping my sobbing nor my pain. I had to puke a few times and my mouth tasted like blood and vomit. My skin was bruised and scratched. I was humiliated in a way I couldn't know one could be. The feeling of sadness and hopelessness was adhered to my skin and bones. I was just moving by pure inertia because my mind was all over the place. I felt broken and used and useless. Reiner Braun took everything away from me in just a couple of hours. He took away my confidence and trust. I no longer felt like myself.

I turned on my phone and a bunch of texts appeared all of a sudden. It was my mom, asking me if I was going to go back the next weekend.

I walked out of the warehouse, noticing that it was an old outhouse in the farthest part of the school. It was so far away that the administration must've forgot about it.

My feet moved by themselves as I was unable to think about anything. I was still crying when I walked out of the school without looking back.

I noticed that a few people looked at me as I walked down the street but I couldn't care less about that. My heart was pounding and my spirit was broken. They were not looking at me. They were looking at what remained of myself.

When I was standing outside the shelter I froze for a few seconds but still, pushed open the door, making the bells ring.

—Eren? —I heard Isabel's voice. Then, my knees finally gave up and I fell down —Eren! Oh my God! —she screamed and I felt her hands on my face —Farlan! Call 911! Eren?! What happened?! Oh, God!

—You were right —I managed to say —That place's filled with monsters...

Then it all went black and I was plunged into unconsciousness.


End file.
